----

2005-12-22T15:21:00.000+08:00

In A Nutshell.

[i dunno hu's gonna read tis so e following does not represent anyone else's views nor stands, but mine n mine alone]

e recent events have made me tink alot abt sjab.. n indeed, sjab has taken over a big part of my life. to an extent, sjab is my life. i dare say i've nv regretted joinin sjab, since it's my own decision n responsibility. i rmbed e startin was kinda hard, gettin used 2 e new pple n environment. but u noe wad, i guess i fitted rite in. n up til now, i guess dere's tt passion deep down inside everyone of us tt drives us ahead, despite how much we may dislike all e tekan sessions n changing parades. n i'm happy 2 say tt i've grown wit sjab, especially aft jnco n senco. both camps were equally rewardin n lyk wad someone told me, "zhang da le". unfortunately, different pple haf different expectations. wad i thought was e lowest common denominator is probably jux a standard i haf of myself, n consequently, every1 else as well. isnt it so?

it's all so depressing now. every blog i read depresses me further n it takes me quite alotta courage 2 scroll down e pges. certainly, words r powerful. powerful in hurting. i haf alot, ALOT to say. actually, every1 of us has. but i guess i'm in no position 2 judge n i haf no say. so i'l jux shut my mouth.

it's one thing 2 stand by e side n 2 watch issues emerge, events evolve. it's another thing 2 try 2 look at urself in e same light. n another 2 realise tt there r others who do. my respect goes out 2 e simple hearted. cos they've got sth innate every1 else is tryin so hard 2 attain by means of artificial playwrights.

perception. perception..

in 2005...
i've learnt tt i am indeed a ver flawed person
i've learnt tt i am more flawed than wad i thought myself 2 b
i've learnt tt most flaws r revealed by one's idiosyncracies
i've learnt tt most flaws, as lyk mine, r commited subconsciously, n hence, unless by supernatural intervention or long-term reverse indoctrination, inexorable.
i've learnt tt one's good friends r oso e ones most conscious of your flaws n despite e trouble it takes, they unconditionally accept u anyway
i've learnt tt e better friends will do tt 4 a prolonged period of time, but more than jux appeasement, they wan u 2 b a better person at e same time.
i've learnt tt it's friends tt provide e supernatural intervention n long-term reverse indoctrination
i've learnt tt some friends can tink dota will make u a better person
i've learnt tt true friends believe in mutual compromise
i've learnt tt friendship is more than mutual compromise
i've learnt tt chemistry is not e b all n end all of friendship
i've learnt friendship takes time n cultivation
i've learnt friendship is oways worth e investment
i've learnt tt it's nv worth ending a friendship
i've learnt tt despite havin learnt all tis b4,

sometimes,

it takes e true touch of e heart b4 truly believin in it. ;)

2005-11-22T20:27:00.000+08:00

"forever".

forever is jux a word ever so surreal. i stil recollect some of e pri skool memories; e 'dont frene yous', e poems n stuff we oways say. eg, FRANCE - friendship remains and nv can end. pri skool friendships were less complicated. alot less n so much more innocent. y cant things remain tis way as we grow up?

even e earth doesnt exist alone - wit all e 8 other planets. plus, e sun! humans cant exist on their own either. i'm shocked; how little friendships actually mean 2 pple. u dun jux spend yrs laughing, crying, n doin all e stupid stuff u do wit ur frenes, onli 2 act lyk u dunno em n happily shake ur butt off aft 4gettin em. sry, i treasure friendships. if relationships dun mean a thing, if all tt memories arent imprinted, den i can say wit certainty, u dun need frenes. jux how much do friends mean 2 u? or shld i ask, jux how much do i mean?

some1 told me 'relationship is self-portraiture' - tt our relationships, n how we handle em, says alot abt hu we actually r. if tis is u, den i can onli say i've made a mistake.

anw, i've realised some stupid things pple haf blogged abt. dey'r all so depressing. it's not personal or anythin. all e crap abt how life sux n how much dey wanna die. nobody ever said life was gonna b easy. so y cant y'all jux stop e self-pity n face up 2 reality? u're makin ur readers sick. me, especially. (i loathe potential suicidal pple) besides, dun blame anyone, includin urself if u had a bad day or things dun go ur way. nobody's perfect. take things easy n look on e bright side! (if u can find it) tml wil oways b a better dy! waha. dun oways complain abt wad u dun haf mah, gif thanks 4 e things tt u haf!

take pride, i've bcum optimistic! teehee.

i'm stil learnin. livin in denial serves no purpose but 4 self-deception. n seriously, when u haf 2 live wit urself, n c ur own face all the time (damn all e shiny surfaces in sg), u reallie haf 2 come 2 terms wit urself. so live life! u dun live e same as any other! n smile! =D

if u cry bcos e sun has gone outta ur life,
ur tears will prevent u frm seein e stars.

2005-11-12T21:59:00.000+08:00

random.

recently got back a "student personality profile report" our class did when we were sec 1. yea, 3yrs ago. -.- n i guess sum of e stuff tt's assessed frm e test stil kinda relates 2 me tho it's taken yrs ago. n it's concluded tt my greatest fear is - being criticized, especially by a close friend or relative. rite on.

antagonism, criticism. i really am greatly affected by em. seriously, even a "go-n-die" comment can kick me hard. i guess how i reflect in other pple's minds is of great significance n i cant help but oways tink, "does he/she tink of me tt way? am i really that badly portrayed?" i've definitely been criticised at sum points of my life but r dey really facts, or simply sumelse's perceptions of me? i seriously doubt myself sumtimes.

n i loathe pple hu gif labels. ok, i'm pissed. tt's y i'm writing tis.

personally, i'm not a judgemental person; i dun judge pple by their appearances n gif em brands. n i dun label pple jux bcos of their speech or their set of actions. unfortunately, sum pple do. i mean, looks doesnt mean everythin n more importantly, u cant haf ur character written all over ur face. i dun really tink u can understand sum1 through their actions or behaviours. sum pple dun show themselves on e superficial side; sumtimes, wad u c isnt wad u get. if u're not "him" or "her", how in e world wld u noe wad "he" or "she" feels? how wld u noe e reasons behind his or her every actions? u dun stupidly assume e other party's motives n judge em accordingly. u're not em. no, u're not me.

but i've learnt 2 take criticisms. mayb it's a gd thing once in a while tt sum1 cums up 2 u n criticises u directly. but pls, 4 heaven's sake, dun base criticisms on false judgements. i guess it's impossible 2 let 6 billion pple on earth understand ur "suo zuo suo wei". on top of tt, different pple c things @ different angles. u cant force everyone 2 tink tis specific way u wan em 2 n i dun haf e ability 2 brainwash pple anw. so i guess i'm jux gonna let criticisms pass on n believe in myself. aft all, dey're not me, so dey'l nv understand.

mayb u dun understand me at all.

besides, i'm curious. those hu luv 2 criticise, haf u guys eva wondered how pple will feel aft ur criticisms?? do u even realise how powerful words can b? a simple "stupid" can deem hurt 2 e person. humans arent made 2 go ard, shooting their mouths off wit crude language. so b4 u label anyone, tink twice whether u mean wad u really say. u wldnt wan 2 realise in e end tt u're e one hu's wrong all along. by den, it wld haf been too late. even 4 regrets n apologies.

cum 2 tink of it, 'emily rose' is a cool name!

2005-11-05T22:28:00.000+08:00

wah. amazin wad affinity can do 2 pple. we noe dere'r millions of pple out dere, but fate doesnt allow us 2 pass by every single 1 of em. mayb "mr/ms right" happens 2 b so close, he/she may b a person hu takes e same train as u in e morns, but alighting @ different stops. u're included in each other's lives, but u dun eva realise his/her existance, not even his/her presence. jux lyk 2 parallel lines tt go in e same direction, but nv meet - jux lyk e lives of 2 pple tt intertwine w/o their knowledge...

][Wad Cums Of Tomorrow][

Joy is wad fills e heart of dey
which hold within e mysteries of a friend
A passion unknown unto words
Within em fall e tears of all things dey endure as one
N frm deir eyes diamonds fall,
So precious every one

Dear within, e memories dey caress wit sorrow
N gather em 2dae, 4 wad may cum of tomorrow
Priceless
Priceless eva r these moments tt we spend wit those so dear
Comfortin now 2 noe tt dey r near
Yet dere cums a day when dey c e eagle soar
N feel within deir hearts
A passion so much more

As we stand beside em when tt gleam glows in deir eyes
Wad cums of tomorrow
My friend's lost paradise
N though a distant barrier wells up within e heart
Dere is a joy inside

To noe e joy of a dawning start
Standing dere beside em on tt road to paradise
We say farewell n weep
Knowing dey must oso compromise
N so we hold em close n whisper in deir ear

Please take wit u these memories.
Den frm the eyes,
Your tear.

2005-10-23T19:52:00.000+08:00

briefin dy's over!!! wooh! x) it wasnt as bad as i tot it'd be...heng errh! i'd been over-wry n kueh was paronoid. kueh has a funny chairman. bus interchange 4 meetings, LOL. dun tink jia cld b feelin any more lousy, wit onli sherman on her team.. n i cant b happier 2 b on e same team as ca! afifah seemed oddly familiar tho she says she's nv seen me b4 n jamie's so tall, she makes me depressed. mei xian & cherylynn looked so sweet n wai kit.. ..well, let's jux say he made an impression..

anw, now tt it's over, my wry's been relieved. but dere's oso loads 2 do! tags tags tags. urrgh. we're E SURVIVORS! yeaa! hooked onto tt name. waha. was afraid we had 2 change cos eve said 4 syllabus kinda long..i dunno how in e world we're gonna fit "e survivors" in2 our cheers, but i'l go 2 xtremes 2 get it in. no matter wad. i dowan warm snow or patrick! lol. i'm jux glad. at least tt's a head start 4 e camp. rmind me, e camp aint over. x(

was comforted when i saw e familiar faces of e trainers. made me realise i wasnt alone. tnx 4 all e encouragement & everythin! i owe it 2 y'all! waha. it isnt easy, i understand. u guys oso need 2 spend those friggin 4dys 3nites away frm ur beds n i suppose trainers get less slp. haa. luv y'all!

anw, did i touch on my results recently? i dun rmb doin tt. k, so my results suck. & i'd nv tot it wld happen 2 me, dropping 2 na. jux a slight margin. disappointed in chem n a maths. i'm such a failure, so sry 2 let u down, taigong, taima, ah ma! haa. but dun wry, i'm gonna drop chem so u guys wont b bothered by my constant procrastinatin n complains. x)

& worse off, i dun wan anyone of us 2 b seperated! tried 2 reassure shu man tt everythin's gonna b fine, but honestly, i cant tell. i'm jux hoping cos i dun wanna cry durin our promo camp. n i'm sure i dun need 2.

How u do it stil amazes me,
How u make me fall every time i c u.
U jux haf tt certain touch.
Tt makes me luv everything u do.

It's lyk every time i c u it feels lyk e 1st,
E 1st dy i fell completely head over heels.
All 4 u.
I only wish u knew how it feels.

E worst part abt all of tis,
Is tt u dun even noe
Jux do me a favour,
N dun say gdbye b4 u go.

B4 u go 4 yet another dy.
Yet another long dy.
E dy i sit ard waitin 4 u.
Tryin 2 avoid tinkin of u in every way.

Bein acquaintances isnt enuf,
Not 4 me,
It jux has 2 b more.
Den mayb u'l finally c.

Den mayb u'l understand a bit better.
U'l understand it all,
But it might stil confuse u,
How, aft all tis, u stil make me fall.

2005-10-21T16:24:00.000+08:00

jnco jnco jnco. anticipation fear expectations. hate failing.

outplay. outlast. outgrow.

hope. shall. will.

survive.

p.s: taima, dun wry - i'l get my hair fixed. x)

Here's 2 e crazy ones.
E misfits. e rebels. e troublemakers.
E round pegs in e square holes.
E ones hu c things differently.
Dey're not fond of rules.
N dey haf no respect 4 e status quo.
U can praise em, disagree wit em,
quote em, disbelieve em,
glorify em or vilify em.
Abt e only thing u can't do is ignore em.
Becos dey change things.
Dey invent. dey imagine.
Dey heal. dey explore.
Dey create. dey inspire.
Dey push the human race 4ward.
Mayb dey haf 2 b crazy.
How else can u stare at an empty canvas n c a work of art?
Or sit in silence n hear a song tt's nv been written?
Or gaze at a red planet n c a laboratory on wheels?
We make tools 4 these kinds of pple.
While some c em as e crazy ones, we c genius.
Becos e pple hu r crazy enuf 2 tink dey can change e world,
r e ones hu do.
Tink Different.

2005-10-15T20:34:00.000+08:00

pooped. life's dead. i'm wonderin mayb i'l need 2 go back 2 e dys where i chat wit my soft toys again. or do u count ur neighbour screechin in her.. ..his? her. horrendous voice through e mic as entertainment? & a kid hu tries 2 imitate a dog bark, tinkin he can threaten my neighbour's dog. it's a wonder how interesting my neighbourhood can b. zombified. or mayb, i shld try 4D! hu noes, i may really strike! how bout..1234? ..or not.

n 2 my dearest ah ma, i'm so SO terribly sorry. cant accede 2 ur request. aahaa. u noe wad a lazy sun i am. once again, 4gif me n i'l keep tt secret 4 u, okae? e tinnie one abt e transformation. . .rite. it's a secret. wahaha.

too lazy 2 post anythin up. anw, u gotta read these lines. found on quizilla. omg, dey're hell stupid n funny!! x)

How would you annoy people in a cinema?
Throw things at the people in front of you. When they turn around, point at the person next to you.
Try really badly to imitate an American accent, even if there are no American people in the actual film.
When something really important's about to happen, like when they name the killer, scream LUKE! I AM YOUR FATHER! and roll, laughing hysterically, down the aisle.
Gasp after everything.
Ask an usher or an attendant if they are expecting any turbulence.
Shout 'Did you hear that?!?!?!?' after every sentence someone says.

How would you annoy people in a library?
Ask someone where the nearest toilets are, then 'SHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!' them when they try to answer.
Gather loads of books, and walk around dropping one occasionally. When someone asks you what your doing, whisper 'Leaving a trail.....'
Horde all the Harry Potter books in a corner. When people walk past, announce shiftily 'Nothing to see here....'
Put a bright yellow pair of pants on your head and run through the library yelling THEY'VE GOT ME!
Rugby tackle anyone turning a page. Explain you were trying to save them from getting a paper cut.
Wear a top hate and bid every one a good day in a really bad English accent. FLAMETHROWER!!!!! MUHAHAHAHHA!

How would you annoy people in the street?
Ask them for their autographs. Refuse to take no as an answer.
Try and take their jackets.
Try to sell random items eg. an egg or your sister/bother.
Pretend to die dramatically in front of people. When they bend down, shout YOINK, grab their shoes, and leg it.....
Ask them where the nearest country is.
Put on an eyepatch and leer at people.

How would you annoy the guy on the other end on the phone whilst ordering a pizza?
End every sentence in 'because that's what the Matrix wants me to order'.
Laugh when they talk.
Ask for cavier. When they say they haven't got it, gasp and slam the phone down.
Rap your order.
Ask them to guess what you want.
Alternate between a really high voice and a really low one.
Make weird screeching sounds.

How would you annoy people in an elevator?
Block the doorway with a desk. Ask people if they have an appointment.
Charge elevator tax.
Scream everytime the door closes.
Put red paint around the hatch, sit in a corner, point upwards and whisper 'I think they went in'. Hum the LotR theme tune. When someone tries to get in, scream YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Sing the Spiderman theme tune. Everytime the word Spider comes up, yell it at the top of your lungs.

okae, now i'm bored. C=

2005-10-06T20:29:00.000+08:00

i'm stil ALIVE!! need.. ..2 breathe! i wld haf died frm heart attack 4 e past few dys. overslept. twice! mux get dada 2 call me up in e morns. 2 all those out dere, squEEzin ur brain cells out 4 e exams, ALL THE BEST! aahaa.

read thru my last post n truely, as rykiel labelled it, it is really dark. n i realised, i've nv really 4gotten abt it.

can friendship be saved when it's already torn? pple r oways tellin me 2 not take 4 granted e pple i haf ard me, not even e slightest things. 4 once lost, we may nv b able 2 find em again. so den, can lost friends b found?

it hurts e most when dey mean so much 2 u. at some point. but pple change. yet when it turns sour, u try hard 2 salvage wtvr tt's left. really, it takes 2 hands to clap. or rather, 3. wad happens if u're e onli 1 makin all e effort but 2 no avail? dere's onli 1 last sol. tho hard & cruel it may seem, when it's time, it's time. it may lead 2 future regrets but when dere's no present, wad more can we ask frm e future? jux drop.

now only i am here
lost a few friends once so dear

e memories i wil oways hold
rmind me now
2 let go.

enuf of e sad stuff. i've been tinkin abt my dreams n many of em r actually kinda .. ..rubbishy. n far-fetched.

1. pilot
2. psychologist
3. fireman? woman, in tis case.
4. NAVY!!! *gleams*
5. happily married 2 a rich oil tycoon's son. preferably, very gd-lookin!
6. (k, tis's e newest) secret agent!

aahaa. or mayb.. ..i shld jux b contented wit a post as an office clerk, somewhere in 1 of e buildings in city hall? NAH. anw, it doesnt matter if i dun grow up 2 b a degree-holder someday. but til den, i reallie needa find tt fabled oil tycoon's son b4 i get hauled outta skool 4 lousy results! haa.

true, pple turn great wit their dreams. but wad if ur dream seems rather far off & unreachable? do we gif up, or pursue endlessly wit no outcome? (hints at eugenia: dere's reallie no need 2 hallucinate. psychologist? mayb. u wont b e 1 i'd approach even if i go terribly gone case n try 2 kill even my mother. waha)

& i'm dyin 2 grow up!!! tho taima says she's feelin old, bein 17. haa! but i envy tt freedom tt u get, e feelin of takin off tho u're not exactly flyin. e dys when u can cum home real late w/o any1 questioning - tt trust u get frm parents! us, wantin 2 grow up. & adults wishin dey cld b kids again.

life's hard. n i hate it when pple threaten 2 kill emselves cos of sum stupid breakup wit their bfs or when dey get a zero on their report cards. if dere's a hundred steps in front of u, u gotta take e 1st step 2 get gg. & stop self-pitying. dun gif tt talk abt "i'm gonna jump!" or "i'll show it 2 u!" well, go ahead n die. e world'l b a better place w/o u guys.

n choosin death doesnt mean u show no fear. it jux says tt u dun haf e courage 2 face up 2 life.

cowards.

2005-09-06T14:41:00.000+08:00

is tis a dream? everythin's movin, changing. all too fast. i need e pause button.

yet u haf no control; e world doesnt stop revolvin 4 any1 of us. frm e past til now, different scenes, different casts - all of which played a certain character, even e xtras. n sumhow as we all move on, pple change. even i'm turnin senile. names i'm startin 2 4get, wastin my days jux 2 fret.

e disappointin friendships, attached wit e empty promises we once used 2 make. "we wil stay strong, we wil hold on." wass all e tok when dere's no action? e past is not 4gotten; e wound will heal. but wit it, cums e scar - fresh n stil visible. things dun jux disappear frm ur memory space. forgiven but not forgotten.

all of our faces r fading, changing, unrecognized. if tis is e result of a few yrs, wass another 10yrs? wil we stil b able 2 rmb each other; e times we had 2gether? now, teach me how. 2 4get n not pretend. rmb tt u're stil my frene. does it make any sense?

2 e new, i anticipate. 4 e old, i wld embrace, not hate. wit history, i hope 2 live through e present. 2 not make e same mistakes. 2 tear off e masks n shields, not 2 b fake. 2 cherish cos dere can b no same dy as any other. 2 thank n not take 4 granted e many things which seem all so superficial.

dere've been too many times when i've said "i shld haf done tis / tt". it's sad pple dun learn; too many times. jux gif me 1 chance, tt's all i need. i swear - i'l b back sumday. 2 rewind n set things rite again.

pinch me. den again, if tis is all a dream, it wldnt hurt. tt's a call - a wake up call. 2 forward, not stop or rewind.

i've done it again - stoned. in e refuge of my tiny apartment under e vast, massive piece of sky...

[Down to Earth]

snow flakes
one of a kind
all pretty and delicate in their own way

appreciative for the moment.
every moment you look at them
is a moment they fall
is a moment taken away from them
is a moment closer to
death.

not death;
just transcribed from one form to another.
not death;
just changing from one state to another.
not death!
just becoming like everybody else
formless
shapeless
with beauty once known
now taken away
forever
for good.

but for the short time span of just drifting in the wind
would it be worth to give up our time till the inevitability of death
to have at least have one glimpse of what it is like
to reflect the sun in every different angle
to be called gifts from the angels
to feel the dashing upon your face
for just one moment?

i'm glad its only one season.

2005-08-07T17:14:00.000+08:00

][So Far Away][

This is my life
Its not what it was before
All these feelings I’ve shared
And these are my dreams
That I’d never lived before
Somebody shake me
Cause I,
I must be sleeping.

Now that we're here,
It's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
All the mistakes,
One life contained
They all finally start to go away

Now that we're here
its so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive and I’m not ashamed
to be the person that I am today.

These are my words
That I’ve never said before
I think I’m doing ok
And this is the smile
That I’ve never shown before

Somebody shake me
Cause I, I must be sleeping.

I'm so afraid of waking
Please don't shake me
Afraid of waking
Please don't shake me.

2005-07-11T19:17:00.000+08:00

it's not surprising. aft all, we'd oways end up railin at each other rather than listenin 2 wad e other has 2 say. but ya noe wad? i dun get tis frm my frenes. at least dey listen, while i tok. vice versa. but wit her - she doesnt listen. so i cant b bothered 2 tok. haa. rminds mi of e journal we jux did. "Mum, here's ur grade: C-" well, i believe she doesnt even noe e names of my best frenes or wad i do everydy aft skool. simply bcos she doesnt question. & even if she did, she'd probably wldnt listen. so wad use is it anw?

ya noe, mayb it's been a prob & 4eva will b 4 us 2 communicate wit e older generation. 1st off, u haf 2 "engage" em in e topic w/o literally boring em in2 space. sumhow, my mum seems 2 b rather bored by my tokings. so? i literally cut down on toking & rather, focus on how 2 not speak. wheneva i mouth a sentence, it's e start of another arguement & frankly, it's energy-draining. -.-

& some friggin ridiculous taxi-driver tried 2 cheat us of our $$$ while i was gg back frm e dumb studio shop. he was jux waitin 4 e meter 2 strike another 1 buck while he pretended he din noe which way 2 go, hence delayin e time. in fact, e meter din even strike when we arrived. & i cldnt stand his cocky face when my mum gave him his dirty-earned $1. guess wad, even e studio ah peh asked if dere was any $$$ earned in joinin sjab.

dude, wass happenin 2 tis world man??! izzit jux mi, or has everyone gotten so money-minded?? yeaa, sure enuf - no money, no tok. but tt doesnt mean u can use e most unscrupulous ways 2 get wad u wan. well guess wad, jux rmb - when ur life reaches its end point, e thing tt can buy almost everythin on earth cant b brought down 2 e netherland. tho i've nv been dere. +.+ "You aren't wealthy until you have something money can't buy."

speakin of which, heard tt e admission fee or sth 4 amk hospital is 500bucks??! i hope my uncle aint cheatin us of our $$$ cos my ah ma's transferrin hospitals. dude. is tis sum kinda fraud??? i'm reallie doubting it. well. it's been exactly 2wks since she got admitted. i'm kinda worried 4 her cos it doesnt seem 2 b rather gd..tho she's not in critical condition. but, e tot of havin a greater responsibility jux freaks mi out. & imagine how much white hair my ma wld gain aft yrs of lookin aft my ah ma. suddenly, i feel so helpless. i cant seem 2 lighten e weight on their shoulders.

i'm losin my faith again. told myself i'd turn over a new leaf. guess wad, i'm losin it. cant seem 2 b interested in e lessons. & especially when i'm sittin in e 2nd row!! waaahh. hate e new sittin arrangement. or mayb ms teo's rite. i shld focus. sumhow, chem 2dae felt diff w/o oi shan sittin nxt 2 mi. & i nv wld haf tot i'd say tis but, i actually miss those pple sittin ard mi.. ..correction. sat ard mi. how am i gonna live w/o u guys...???! *cries* haha.

"Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say."

uhh well. was readin through my latest entries & it's proven true. happiness is short-lived. now, i'm not lovin it, lyk i once used 2 say. everythin's changin & yet, e world doesnt stop revolvin jux bcos u'r feelin blue or screwed up. tt's how reality's lyk. u gotta pick up e pieces n learn 2 move on. tho i oways end up fearin e future, or lamentin e past. i dun usually pour out my troubles 2 pple, but sumtimes i jux hope 4 advice or a direction sumone can gif. times lyk these.

"We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness."

2005-06-26T16:44:00.000+08:00

psss. gentle rminder:

it's e last dy of e hols!!!!

*groans* e tot of gg back 2 skool, wit tt hectic schedule + hmwk lyk bombs make my head grow big! urrgh. uhh well. i've had enuf fun anw. x) honestly, slackin 4 too long aint gd 4 my brain as well. makes mi stupid. haa.

yeaaa...! finished my maths! waha. 2 down, 4 ex bks 2 go! haa. uhh well. it's a form of achievement i guess.. stil, i din touch physics n tt hell dumb chi pro. not 4gettin e chem wkst i din even receive. gosh, i'm soo dead. or better off dead.

i reallie need 2 find tt fabled oil tycoon's son b4 I get my ass hauled outta skool. x(

hmmm. on 2 more serious stuff. i've cum 2 understand sum of e major ironies in life.

1. how "i luv u"s take on a whole new meanin when u sign e divorce papers. u finallie fall in luv wit tt sum1 when it's time 2 leave em.

2. how tears can stream down ur face bcos it hurts so much. & u bite ur lips so hard jux 2 convince & tell urself tt tears r a sole result of ur self inflicted physical pain.

3. how u tink a gd, clean, cold bath in e middle of e nite wil dilute ur pain, but it onli acts as a catalyst 2 douse u in ur sorrows.

4. how u go 2 a zoo 2 c e granduer of lions, but end up fallin in luv wit e hyenas.

5. how imperfect perfection can b. & how aptly imperfections can b e solutions 2 our probs.

6. how distance & e tot of it brings pple closer.

7. how e internet can bring pple closer & yet make relationships more impersonal.

8. how pain can breed strength & resolve lyk no other drug or self-help bk.

9. how luv can cross all boundaries, languages & colour.

10. how u can plan so hard 4 sth u noe u haf no control of.

11. how we instinctively put ourselves on autopilot mode 4 destruction when we take our loved ones 4 granted.

12. how we scream at e ones we luv & yet treat a stranger lyk kin.

13. how we act stubborn & gif up eternal life 4 sth so transient as now.

tis's gonna sound corny, but stil. time reallie flies & b4 u can grab it, it's gone. hols r gonna b over & skool's openin tml..{ahHhh} *headache*

but i dun wanna say i wont waste my time on e net, cos i cant promise. i dun wanna say i'l study hard & wont let myself down, cos i cant predict. i dun wanna say it's gonna b better & everythin's a sail, cos i cant pretend. guess life's lyk tis. dere's no tellin wass gonna happen e nxt wk, nxt min, nxt second. & more importantly, i dun wanna make empty promises 2 myself ..especially on e net, where e world can witness it. x)

tonight
when my head touches pillow
when both my eyelids close
when all form of consious neural activity ceases

is when the fear will grip me
afraid of waking.

2005-06-23T21:18:00.000+08:00

waaahhhh!!!! catched initial d oready!!!!!!!! waha. rykiel's sooo jealous, i noe it. haa. & i met stella at j8 jux now..she got her hair cut! den saw jolene & her bunch of frenes at nthpt. hahaa. dey're watchin initial d as well..saw wenjia too! waha. funny, she missed e fun.. >< hmmm.

i wonder if i'm supposed 2 feel glad or rather, sorrie tt i influenced 9 other pple 2 waste 8 bucks on e show. basically, e whole storyline's rather simple. car racin, romance, & a lil' bit of humour?? i'd onli tot e characters were cool. & e endin too! haa. uhhh. i dunno wad else 2 comment... is tt a gd or bad thing? oops, am i regrettin it...? +.+ hope not. eck. & i kept e popcorn box! xD

uhhh. tinkin of shuttin down my web as well..aft zh's. {ahhh!} y e heck'd she do tt 4??! my god, was friggin shocked when i cldnt find her web jux now.. O.o anw, wass my pt of settin up tis in e 1st place? i mean, i dun blog abt my daily stuff n all..not most of e time at least. and, my ma's sayin i tink too much. gd or bad? hmmm. mayb bein a thinker aint a bad thing ya noe...? aft all, wad dey do is, tink. mayb sumday, sumwhere, i'l tink up a philosophy..! waha. geez. den wad? get a nobel prize? i'm nite-dreamin. wake up, dude!

haa. gotta stop dreamin abt my future when it seems so bleak 2 mi. waha. at tis rate, i'm nv gonna b able 2 finish my hmwk!! ritey. shall make a pt 2 clear my maths ex bks tml! hmmm. words dun count, show action!! yeaa mann.

uhhh. i wonder y i'd even blog when i cant say e things i need 2 say. eck. it's true. too much muggin, or too little muggin makes ur brain overworked. & in my case, it's turnin rusty!!! *.*

hmm.okae, so here goes.

I recall a sayin tt goes - everyone is special. tt is total crap. i'm express, not special, so says e sg education system. Sum r normal or those hu r even more special than special r gifted. & if everyone is special, den it wld mean 2 things -

1. dere is no such streaming system in sg.
2. no one is truly special, lyk unique n stuff. cos everyone's special.

am i even makin sense? O.o

i shld tink more.

-it's gd, but could b better.-

2005-06-17T15:17:00.000+08:00

DUDE! waha. i'm guai 2dae. gonna stay home & do hmwk. cos ..i'v been out e whole wk! X( bad bad bad. mux face e menopause woman..aiyo. terrible. save mi!!!

y izzit tt every1's gg off 2 overseas or sth, & i'm stil STUCK IN SG???! gawd, i wan excitement!! urrgh. i'm bored 2 a stage where i cant stand facing e walls at home & yet, e outside world's such a bore as well. DUDE, i'm bored! even e name j8 freaks mi out. i'm avoidin it 4 e nxt mth mann.

sheesh. i 4got abt tml. {ahHhh!!}

yehey! watched mr & mrs smith wit sexy old babe, caca + lala! waha. ver ver cool show, dudes! mux watch! haa. but got rumours abt "mr & mrs pitt". waha. hu else? brad + angelina.. i oso not sure lah. but dey kinda look gd 2gether actually.. e "hotties"! waha. xcept mayb brad + jennifer looked more "perfect" i suppose. if onli life was as excitin lyk in e movie.. uhh doh! wake-up call, dude! face reality!

speakin of which, it's e 3rd wk in2 hols..gosh. it's passin friggin fast & i cant get enuf of it!! =( i hell wanna get in2 my hmwk, but dude! e tot of startin frm scratch [since i'v 4gotten much abt last sem's lessons] makes mi ...sigh.

back to square one. gawd, tt's sick.

2005-06-12T17:55:00.000+08:00

wooh! i'm ALIVVEE, pple!!! i'm ALIVE!

waha. i sound so dead in my blog..loong time no update..! X( plus, i'm actually doin my hmwk. hmwk. am i guai or wad? waha. praise mi dudes! aahaa..dude. babe sounds kinda nice too..aahaa. started usin tt aft faizal kept complainin abt my -dude- thing. waha..joker.

haven got any inspiration lately..dunno wad 2 blog abt.. so shall tok abt daily stuff. [i usually dun]

funny, went 4 e 1st ndp trainin yesterdy..cool! waha. got pizza 4 dinner..1st time in all rehearsals lehh! cos of my presence mahh..aahaa. but i'd expected e whole procedure 2 b pretty confusin, but ..not. basically we'r jux standin dere 4 long periods lyk statues & luckily it rained! gawd, boi tahan. funny codes...chino! hahaha.. kc135?? & our mam was darn fierce! "if ya dun turn properly, i'l make sure u go deaf." [she meant her screamings] dude, tt's threatenin! haa. but she seemed nice.

feraldine was a sotong[blurr]. yi yen was tortured by my laughter. la + kit + da were laughin throughout. johnson..as usual, flirtin. haa! =p eugene.."socialisin"?? waha. everyone's jux crazy. & i got 2 c e NAVY!!!!!!!!!!!!! dude, N-A-V-Y! haa. dun haf an explaination 2wards my likin.. O.o & g.o.h looked exceptionally smart!!! aww man...! y???! sjab's e coolest! waha.

kinda busy lately.. wit ah ma admittin 2 hospital!! [not shannel, my real ah ma] but she's better now i suppose. i'd cut down e visitin now since i'd haf nth 2 do at e hospital except 2 sit ard & catch a cold. e ward's friggin cold! i wonder how patients actually recover frm tt kinda environment..

2 mi, my uncle looked lyk e 1st 2 c if she hangs even tho he's e one doin e job..visitin, settlin e $$$ n stuff. seems all lyk an act, noe wad i mean? ahh well..u noe wad dey say..life's a stage. imagine him forcin us 2 "compensate" him 10 yrs later. well, tis is e consequence of spoilin & favourin ur kids. great job, ah ma. not tt i blame her, aft all old pple oways haf tis concept of "zhong nan qing nu". & frankly, old pple r stubborn. nth changes their minds. but stil, i hate favourtism. anw, i'm lookin 4ward 2 her discharge. am i?

funny how not-close my family is. well, gotta go finish up wit hmwk & prepare 4 tml's parade..jux hope i dun get nervous n clog up my own brain. cldnt tink rite when e sec 4s came e other time..was jux ..pure terror.

in any case, hiong-er footdrill's oways welcumed. wahaa..4 mi, tt is.

i'm lurvin it! =D

2005-05-29T18:36:00.000+08:00

whoa. found out i haven reallie been in touch wit alot of e things happenin lately. cum on, i'm relaxin! waahaa.. 'was crazy last wk..freakin busy & i'v 4gotten alot of stuff!! gd grieve, i'm seriously sufferin frm s-t-m. mux spend more time concentratin on other things.. ..maths tuition!! urgh. dun rmind me. i haven settled tt..yet. ><

geezes. got news tt dan brown's book -Da Vinci Code- gonna b made in2 a movie, releasin nxt yr. starrin tom hanks as robert langdon. tt controversial crap bk???! i din get 2 finish readin it, but was kinda sick half-way through. e suspense is intriguing, but e fiction...disgusts mi. distorted facts..lies..exaggerations.. i hate tt bk. made mi change my opinion on christianity. *disbelief* contradicts wad i'v heard frm pastors' preachings. O.o

anw, observation: pple change fast. real fast.

things have changed 4 e past 3 yrs. i tink back & laugh at myself 4 being innocent + naive - how close we were back den, how we used 2 tok on e fone 4 hours w/o a care in e world.. now, i cant even seem 2 relate back. isnt it aft all, a change of skool & environment? how big an influence cld it b? sumhow, pple change every single dy. it's jux tt we dun realise it tt often. we'r oblivious 2 wass influencin us & how pple c us. now, i feel e need 2 b conscious of my words b4 em 2 avoid myself frm lookin stupid. i din need tt in e past. perhaps it's reallie e pple ard us tt mould us in2 hu we r. or mayb, it's jux time. either way, things've changed.

read 1 of taima's entries [long ago] it suddenly made more sense. yea, friendships nv last & frenes cum n go. lyk it or not, time is still a factor. but i guess i'm still thankful 4 e pple tt have once been in my life. even 4 those hu caused much trouble & turmoil. w/o em, life would b incomplete & i would nv get a chance 2 experience darkness. lyk e quote - "it is bcos we've experienced sadness tt we get 2 noe wass happiness." [or sth liddat]

aww..i'm missin skool..! miss my frenes..especially my ma + bro + lover, rykiel!! haha..class peeps too! kinda lyk e dys where we had free periods endlessly & crappin ard wit frenes..aww! sad.. uhh well. i've got loads on my to-do-list.. =.- musnt day-dream.. meanwhile, i'm enjoyin life! ^^

[we all lead such busy, busy lives. but sometimes we just don't realize the impact we leave on the shores of life. footprints -- intangible, mysterious, but ultimately precious]

2005-05-24T20:22:00.000+08:00

Sometimes in life you feel the fight is over,
And it seems as though the writings on the wall,
Superstar you finally made it,
But once your picture becomes tainted,
It's what they call,
The rise and fall

I always said that I was gonna make it,
Now it's plain for everyone to see,
But this game I'm in don't take no prisoners,
Just casualties,
I know that everything is gonna change,
Even the friends I knew before may go,
But this dream is the life I've been searching for,
Started believing that I was the greatest,
My life was never gonna be the same,
Cause with the money came a different status,
That's when things change,
Now I'm too concerned with all the things I own,
Blinded by all the pretty girls I see,
I'm beginning to lose my integrity

Sometimes in life you feel the fight is over,
And it seems as though the writings on the wall,
Superstar you finally made it,
But once your picture becomes tainted,
It's what they call,
The rise and fall

I never used to be a troublemaker,
Now I don't even wanna please the fans,
No autographs,
No interviews,
No pictures,
Endless demands,
Give into vices that was clearly wrong,
The type that seems to make me feel so right,
But some things you may find can take over your life,
Burnt all my bridges now I've run out of places,
And there's nowhere left for me to turn,
Been caught in comprimising situations,
I should have learnt,
From all those times I didn't walk away,
When I knew that it was best to go,
Is it too late to show you the shape of my heart,

[chorus]

Now I know,
I made mistakes,
Think I don't care,
But you don't realise what this means to me,
So let me have,
Just one more chance,
I'm not the man I used to be,
Used to be

Sometimes in life you feel the fight is over,
And it seems as though the writings on the wall,
Superstar you finally made it,
But once your picture becomes tainted,
It's what they call,
][The rise and fall][

-craig david-

2005-05-21T17:06:00.000+08:00

"sometimes, its difficult.
it wrestles against heart and soul.
but deep deep down inside,
you know it is but a foe.

then again, no.
you protest.
cuz you know,
you'd rather not face the test."

got tis frm another blog:

"i came in a box without a charger"

every night, when i get home zonked out, i make sure the following are being charged:
1) phone
2) mp3 player
3) laptop
4) cordless phone

yet, when i stumble into bed, feeling as if i were a living breathing zombie,
i can't find that plug where i can conveniently recharge.

oh, if only, human beings came with instruction manuals and chargers,
and you could bring them to the customer service centre when they acted up.
or just change their parts when they got broken.

life would be so much less complicated, wouldn't it?

2005-05-20T19:01:00.000+08:00

friggin pissed. i've nv reallie been vague in my blog, but i'm gonna make an exception. if i dun get it out, i'l nv b able 2 live in peace. i dun tink i've eva been tis pissed at sum1.

fcuk e cha siew pao. any1 frm 3H wld noe perfectly wad i'm tokin abt. hate maths. literally broke down when i got back e paper. curse her. tore off my question paper n it cost mi 2 marks. damn her. i noe 2 marks isnt reallie alot, but hey. e point is, she tore my paper while others got marks 4 it. clearly rmbed wad she friggin said tt day: "Anyway, the teacher wont mark it." well, tnx alot. some pple got e friggin 2 marks n i didnt. THANKS. it's lucky i dun need 2 marks 2 pass or i swear.. ..i swear i'd KILL her. curse her. lyk she din haf parents or sth. happy, help u hand in. not happy, tear it off. listen, i dun care if u'r a disciplinarian or even if u'r e president. u dun haf e right 2 decide hu gets 2 score & hu doesnt. i dun need 2 take tis crap frm u.

period. fcuk tt b*tch. call mi a.p if u wan. but it din so lucky happen 2 u, so shut e crap abt sympathy n e pity. honestly, i dunno y i'm so pissed over 2 marks, but i jux am. i jux need sum slp & i'l get over it. jux lemme vent my anger.

can a day get any worse? obviously, it can.

& my gd old uncle practically "stole" sth away w/o my permission. & gd old mother has 2 act so noble 2 lend it 2 him. w/o my permission. [sometimes, i wonder y she treats her bros soo gd. i'd disown em if i was her. it's unbearable 2 c how kind-hearted she is. i wish she'd b more selfish a little & tink 4 herself] god, & when did he ever considered mi as his niece in e 1st place? he's oways referred mi as "the girl"; acting all noble & innocent & filial. his colours show onli when he's in deep shit. wad does he tink our home is?! lyk mother, lyk son. [i dun even wanna tok abt his mother] we'r kind enuf 2 not bring up e past & ask 4 e debts. count urself lucky.

i'd tot i've oways wanted a change cos it'd provide a better circumstance. basically, it's a fraud. great, now everythin's changed & things wil nv b e same. i dun even noe hu 2 call a frene when u cant reallie trust any1 these days. i hate hypocrites. i've heard alot 2dae & i finallie realised how complicated things reallie r. things r nv wad dey appear 2 b. but den again, things'r changin - every min, everyday. hu noes wad pple r thinkin by e end of 24hrs? a simple act of digging ur nose may jolly well change e perception of u frm another person's point of view. mayb tt's y humans r complicated. u cant oways fathom wass on their mind. things get worse when dey dun express it if dey'r unhappy & e hatred or wadeva misunderstandings jux get deeper. cheemology. cried too much tis wk. & i'm gettin tired. but i can feel it - e worst is yet 2 cum.

"i am terrified
mortified
petrified
of what the future might bring

sometimes
i jux feel lyk throwin in e towel
but something within jux tells me 2 hold on
2 hold on
2 keep trying
not crying
but defining
e outcome of whatever might b
whatever tomorrow might be.."

2005-05-17T19:22:00.000+08:00

][Living In A Sandcastle][

I close my eyes
when I get too sad
I think thoughts
that I know are bad

Close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope it's over when I open them
I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again

Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
Say bad words that make me wanna cry

Close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels that make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you're little
And the world's so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now
Please don't tell me
everything is wonderful now

I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it's all okay
I like to laugh so my friends won't know
When the bell rings
I just don't wanna go home

Go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I don't believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful someday

Promises mean everything when you're little
And the world is so big
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
When you tell me everything is wonderful now
I don't wanna hear you tell me
everything is wonderful now

I don't wanna hear you say
That I will understand someday
I don't wanna hear you say
We both have grown in a different way
I don't wanna meet your friends
And I don't wanna start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be

Somedays I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please don't tell me
everything is wonderful now

2005-05-06T16:38:00.000+08:00

wOoh~! jux now went j8 wit ..loads of pple! rebecca, 2 debbies, shu man, bian, hui sian, sarah, mo, zhi wei + carol! haha. well, got my mum a bracelet 4 mothers' day..hope she lyks it. but i reallie dun c e pt of it, i'm usin her $$$ 2 get her a present. i'd probably feel ver cheated liddat lor..but hey, it's e tot tt matters! =)) abit too short la, wil go extent e thingy..

feel so tensed up durin exam wk..so much competition...& i'm slow when it cums 2 memorisin!! cant get e friggin stuff in my head..! shldnt b such a pessis. mux work harder!!!! speakin of which, 2dae's lit paper made mi tink abt a few stuff abt human selfishness & a person's existence. once again, i'm gonna crap..

sumhow, every1 is selfish & dere's no way we can cater 2 every single person's needs. & pple do things 4 a motive. jux cant believe how innocent a act is.. even a single "thank you" may satisfy the critiria of helping sum1 out. i mean, dere's oways e subject of the returning of a favour. no one does things 4 free - no 1 helps 4 free. i hate 2 admit it, but compassion within pple doesnt exist in my dictionary no more. i may be wrong, but reality seems 2 b so. yes, pple r selfish & greedy. but i suppose it's not wrong, but it is our propulsion co-existing with checks.

& den dere cums tis thing abt ur image, judgemental statements, & ur appearance. as much as i disagree, appearance is a factor. wad's more, pple often make judgements upon e 1st meeting or based on e surface meaning. in other words, pple onli judge things by wad dey c & not e real meaning in depth. dey often tink wad dey c is wad dey get. but r things reallie tt simple? call mi complicated.

plus, it's so hard 2 rmind pple tt u actually exist; tt u live. we shld all b treated in e same manner, with no less care or concern. & in fact, no 1 can live alone. all of us desire e same attention n care frm e pple around us. n yet sumtimes, b it prejudice or hatred, we often get lower treatment frm pple hu in 1 way or another haf sumthin against us. mayb it's a prob tt wil oways exist & tt aft all, no one is perfect.

sometimes
i just feel like throwing in the towel
but something tells me to hold on
to hold on
to keep trying
not crying
but defining
the outcome
of whatever might be

i wish oh i wish
that i could run away
to someplace distant
and of no decay
where we can play basket ball under the street light
and count the stars while gazing at such a sight

to fall asleep in the meadows
in the grasslands
mother nature so cautiously bestowed
without feeling guilty
nor filthy
about tomorrow's worry

to wake up early
5am
to watch the sunrise
staring in awe at God's handiwork
or we could arise to the smell of smoked salmon
breakfast's delights
and when's all said and done
we can bake in the sun till dark

and when it pours
we could go indoors
wear out the x-boxturn the ps-2 aflame
or we could just turn on the music
and dance our hearts out in the rain
or we could simply
construct cases
and tear cases

listen
think
and speak
all day

all day long
without a care in the world

2005-04-28T20:02:00.000+08:00

wOooHoO! loong time no blog..supposed 2 b studyin his, but i lost my text!!! den popular oso dun haf...& blah blah blah blah lah. lazy 2 tok abt it. so swuay! oh, & my cousins left 2dae!! cldnt send em off..awww, sad. but i made a card 4 em. wit my drawin on it! =) lookin 4ward 2 their return!!! haha. dey'l b back durin e exam wk..so i'm tinkin of gettin outta e house 2 study or sth. cant concentrate wit em ard. n dey stick lyk glue! =p

anyway, i'm soO pressurized!!! feelin e heat frm e mid-yrs..& i tink i'm kinda in e wrong class. i'm so darn stupid compared 2 e rest! =( hui li says mayb it's cos i dun pay attention durin lessons, or mayb i dun study when i get home.. but hey, my life's not onli abt studyin n studyin onli, u get wad i mean?? hu doesnt want free time 4 themselves as well?? mux work harder..use ur brain, lihui!! n yea, chem's a total bumber!!! 1/2 upon 20...urrgh! i dun wanna push e blame or anythin, but i reallie tink e prob's wit e teacher. or mayb i'm jux not chem de liao(4). so lagg..hard 2 catch up now. use ur brain, lihui!! wanna drop chem nxt yr..i'm sick of tt gg in circles & nv cumin 2 e end point.

well, my inferiority complex..is bcumin a prob. i feel so zi bei whereva i am. low self-confidence mayb. but partly bcos i expect alot frm myself..& yet i dun perform well. it sucks. dun feel proud of hu i am. reallie affected by wad pple tink & say as well. shldnt bother abt it so much. & hu r dey 2 criticize mi anyway..lyk any1 is perfect at all... -.- humans shldnt b so proud jux bcos of e little acheivements dey've accomplished..big deal. prejudice is oso a prob. it affects e judgement of pple. c things wit neutrality!

ahhh~ gotta get down 2 studyin. study study study! i swear i'l slog lyk hell durin e wkend. i'l do wtvr it takes. i hope. believe in miracles~~ *moans*

[I hoped.
But i now noe
It will never be.

What e future holds,
i cannot c.
But i pray we will be free

Free frm e past
the moment & e last

And yet hold dear
the mere but sincere
memories of seer.]

2005-04-13T19:52:00.000+08:00

yay!! ah band got SILVER!!!!!!! *clap clap* silly band pple..few dys back stil cryin over e stress..now i can imagine em settin fireworks n crackers! haha..happi 4 em! "ah band wan(4) shui(4)!!" =))

suddenly it dawned on mi tt mayb i'v been too anxious 2 change. heard a frene say sth a few dys ago..& it suddenly struck mi. mayb i'v onli been lookin at e appearance of e whole matter & was totally oblivious 2 wad's real. or mayb i should say, wad dey reallie hope. i jux realised mayb not every1 wans a change. fear of e unknown? but i believe changes r gd, rite? at least, it gives u a different environment n u get 2 experience new things. so wass wrong wit tt? there'r stil lots of other related stuff i'd wanna write bout but daren't. o well..

2dae had julia gabs & e final assessment gonna b graded on is on a topic which u choose, den ur team wil discuss about ur opinions.. so i tot up of e topic: appearances do matter. dun reallie agree wit tis statement lor..but since i was outnumbered.. urrgh! & here's wad i came up wit, since i was soo "in" 2 tis topic.

" We'd like to think that the way we dress is superficial - that it has nothing to do with what we are inside. However, the form of a person - the way he speaks, the type of clothes he wears, the way he gestures, etc. tells you about his substance. You can't act rude but really be considerate inside. It's a contradiction. Likewise, you can't dress sloppily and expect to be thought of as orderly and respectful inside. And it's not just about your wardrobe. It's about your hair and skin, your posture, the way you walk, and the walk you talk.

Even though judging people by their appearances seem cruel, but it still does matter. sadly, people today are picky. any man on the street wont do for a friend. I mean, you wont settle for a Tom, Dick or Harry as your friend, right? and let's admit it - humans are impressionistic, so given 2 people who are exactly the same except one's pretty face and the other a rock wall, chances are, we'd have a better start, and usually a long lasting impression of the better looking one."

short one, reallie. stil, i dun feel tis way.. i mean, when it comes down 2 choosin a frene jux bcos of sum pretty face..i cannot tolerate tt. surely e judgment of any individual has more 2 fulfill than e outward appearance.. izzit fair 2 those who haf e content of character but lose out in an area of contentment which isnt even long term? how can 1 of a prettier face decipher his friends hu can accept him 4 who he is, wit or w/o his looks? how can any1 love another 4 features such as popularity, figure, face, or even profile among others? how can 1 casually say that u r proud 2 b her friend jux bcos she's hot?? contradicting. o.O

anyway, tis wasnt my main topic. i was tinkin abt how scrupulous pple can b, jux 2 gain favour / popularity. nice, yes. every1 wants 2 appear nice. simply bcos everybody loves nice pple. so much 2 e extent whereby we live in a society no more. we live on a stage, live. every1 begins 2 act accordin 2 hu dey wanna b. nice. nth wrong wit being nice, but when 1 lets down his/her guard due 2 bad mood or sth, true colours start showing. not so nice.

jux wad is tis world cumin 2?!

2005-04-09T19:15:00.000+08:00

wooh! taken e afa exam at hq liao..*wipes sweat* finalie, it's over!!! sumhow, e atmosphere not tt friendly..i seem 2 do better[not as confuse / nervous] durin usual practices, in our usual classrooms, wit usual pple ard. sigh! not feelin confident abt passin cpr lehh..*crosses fingers*

anyway, jux realised i've been too busy lately. & when pple bcum busy, we tend 2 turn blind - 2wards e things ard - idiosyncracies of everyday life, often felt but gone unoticed. muz take sum time 2 observe & tink!! @.@ no wonder i haven got any inspiration 2 write~ *pouts*

but again, mankind is soO disappointin!! urgh! haf u eva pictured a perfect scene & yet upon drawin e curtains, realise tt it's onli ur imagination?? built-up lies n masks..den u ask urself - isnt tis wad u see?? reality is 4eva toyin wit us & jux when u haf high hopes, 1 single defeat crashes everythin & u'r back 2 square 1. i'd oways tot of it tt way[as it seems 2 b], especially when dey'r e ones u interact wit most often & r probably gonna leave pges in ur memories.. dere's tt word again: thought. true enuf, every1 tinks. every1 has their own desire of wad things r lyk. but unfortunately, life is nv wad u want it 2 b. mayb it's all a deception..mayb we all need time.

hrmm..sorta read through my previous entries & all i c were - virulent rants abt things not many pple care abt, whining & complaints, crappy & private stuff. intelligence is missing!! [i noe i'm dumb] okae, fine. read tis blog which makes pple lyk mi feel inferior + immature - those cheemology wit complex issues on social construct & e basis of existence tt totally confuse mi.[WAY out of comprehension] ok, so i'm gonna write abt e meaning of life. Not! lyk i'd b able 2 elaborate on it when i dun even understand mine..

anyway, got tons of things-2-do on my list - hmwk!! & studyin!! hmm..missed those few yrs where we used 2 live lyk we had no tml..sigh! well, get over it -- i cant stay 13/14 4eva. growin too fast?? feel e tension rising...sighhh.. startin 2 stress up over my studies!!! X( government's fault!! [am i gonna get a fine by insultin em in public??] i mean, check em out - a bunch of outdated old hags hu haf a few pieces of stupid paper[certs] & start 2 tink dey noe a thing or 2 abt ruling e country, while wad dey reallie do is sit in e air-coned office all dy, shakin their legs & drinkin coffee. while us? sloggin lyk shit; white hair growin outta our heads when we'r onli wad, 15?! better stop my crap or i'l start debatin against those creme de la creme.. -.-

btw, if u'r wonderin y blogs can b so pessimistic & naggy, it's reallie bcaz bloggin is a catharsis n avenue 4 diluted implosion.

"time's been going by so fast, i've hardly had the time 2 stop the beat & take a gd look of things ard me - analyse it through & through b4 makin tt proper decision, knowing wad 2 expect & thus makin it w/o e regret i've always had.

rewind."

2005-04-05T17:32:00.000+08:00

rminders:
1. get report bk frm ms teo [fotocopy d&t results]
2. study physics [test on thurs]
3. study a + e maths [test on fri]
4. notes 4 bio [reference]
5. study 4 AFA [sat]

bcumin weary. feel...drained??? e 1 thing i'd wanna do = run away. escapsim - confrontation - facing the music - i struggle.

[check out my anti-stress kit!]

life's isnt tt bad actually lah..haha. well, let's c..i luv my class?? i cant say i luv gg 2 skool tho..[& i nv will] i haf a roof over my head & my organs r intact?? haha. =p but i guess yea, life's difficult sumtimes. haf 2 keep reminding myself not to tink too much. mum says i haf too much 'foresight'. =D [is tt gd or bad?]

ahhh, well. aft all, i'm oways e worry-wart.. cant help tinkin where we'r gonna b 5 / 10 yrs down e road.. hard 2 say. but we cant possibly worry abt wass gonna happen e nxt sec / min. gotta learn 2 take it easy!!! & more importantly, dun procrastinate!!!! +.-

hrmm..readin through sum blogs on e net'. tis guy's in VJ???! boy, his entries r cheem! but nice 2 read lehh..haha. here's wad i got: "i wan JC life never to end!" urggh. 'was jux wonderin y tis world's so unfair. dere'r pple hu r talented & yet dere'r dense pple on e earth[obviously me]. i'm so doubting my existence on tis planet. i too wld die 2 haf such smart brains lyk em..*envious* & i HATE rich kids. curse em! haha, kiddin. yet i oways haf tis concept tt rich pple wont experience wat's it lyk 2 b poor 4 dey haf non-stop flowin cash. [well, mostly] rich kids haf tutors 4 lyk, wad? all their subs?! & it's lyk dey dun haf 2 go through hardships & stuff. well, sour grapes u may say.

"love makes e world go round." i beg 2 differ. "money makes e world go round." materialistic it may sound, but true it is. i dunno, depends on ur perception lah.. i jux dun tink luv / any kind act is tt simple & pure. 2 mi, it oways cums wit a price. [mayb i'm makin it too complicated]

"its so difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel
and yet
the nearer to the light
the greater the shadow.

but for every shadow
there speaks of light."

2005-04-02T20:41:00.000+08:00

"The Frog In The Well"

It consumes all in its way
yet none fears it
It multilies like fires of the wild
yet none fears it
There is no where it cannot go
And there is no where it hasn't been.

It does not march nor fly nor leap
but moves in stealth; without a sound
He cannot be fallen by women
and by men, nor she.
For it has no knowledge of sexual desires
and is driven not by emotion.

It possess the ability to be at two places at one time when need be
to go its seperate ways;
to diverge its own path
Yet out of all this, men will say
"All brawn and no brain"
it lives only for the day.

He is the god of his own world
and to herself, the universe
but what this does not tell
is that it is but a frog in a well.

2005-03-31T19:24:00.000+08:00

ehhey!!! had our 1st OFFICIAL hip-hop lesson! COOL! kinda weird startin out n i feel tt my movements dun co-ordinate AT ALL lo.. nvm! practice makes perfect. :)) n 2dae was horrible..& i'm stil havin a cold. darn. tinkin of not gg 2 skool tml.. but got sjab lehh..miss e "mOo" family!! haha.. xcept..well. [u noe hu]

anyway, heard sir ben mayb cumin..but i doubt. NS can cum n go as u lyk wan meh?? sumhow, wheneva he cums, we lyk perform better leh.. not tt i'm sayin tt e seniors arent fierce enuf, jux tt ..it's different?? aiyer, i dunno la. okae, tis may sound hurtin but i'm tinkin y sjab's so lousy compared 2 other UGs. i mean, we'r 4eva on tough trainin & yet things jux dun get any better. dere's nv any huge improvement wadsoeva.. ~.~ dun e seniors feel tis way? strange.

n standard 2s teachin cheer tml?? hopefully is shu hui onli.. i simply dun lyk e ra-ra n hype. not gd wit cheers, i suppose. i mean, i'd rather mind my own business n go crazy wit frenes rather than 2 jump up a chair 2 rally 20+ pple 2 a significant cause of stealin their vocal cords away. & i'm definitely not a leader.

anyway, i was tinkin abt bran n as usual, complainin abt his life. i mean, yar - life sux. but things could b worse. i mean, wadeva trash u'r gg through may not even b compared 2 sum1 else's life. & u'r not e onli one living on tis planet - dere'r millions of pple wit their own problems & difficulties. look at it tis way - thank god ur organs r intact & u stil haf mayb, 60yrs 2 go. [at least 4 mi, i hope] & pple oways stuff their brain wit tots abt e past & e future. well guess wad, living e present is important as well. complicated.

n anyway, e world doesnt stop revolvin jux bcos u'r sad or down. sumhow, tis world's turned in2 a selfish n cruel place where compassion & kindness dun seem 2 exist anymore. =( even if dey do, pple do em 4 a motive.

arh, better stop my crap or i'l tok non-stop abt e negative side of humanity. k, muz go prepare 4 tml. [polish boots?]

"The higher u r, the harder the fall. But the harder the fall, the higher u bounce."

2005-03-28T22:01:00.000+08:00

okae-kae, gonna b a short one. [wonder if any1 actually reads...o.O? tis blog's been rottin] Anyway, i got back my com!!! [[wOoH!]] aft lyk, months???! keyboard's startin 2 collect dust. kae kae, desperate housewives' on!! jux a short sth sth taken frm sumwhere...ya lah, i ver not original wan lah... =))

the crowds amoving
briskly
quickly
like dashes of blurred lines
you gotta keep moving on
moving on
lest you get left behind

but wait
you stop
and you begin to see
the idiosyncracies of everyday life
often felt
but gone unoticed

the timings of morning rides
the lonely streets outside paragon
and the way the sky changes its colour in the snap of the second

you stop
and you feel almost as though you were pulled back
the blurred lines now evident as they pass you by
and you figure
you know more
more
more than those who wish they cld
you realise
things
things that anybody would have
had they seen the same sunrise
you once did

now and again

2005-01-16T11:25:00.000+08:00

To Be Where The Sun Rises

recently
i lost control
i lost hope
i lost everything

this will be cryptic to many
confusing to a few
strange to some
but entirely normal
to but one

it's raining outside
but it's not a literal rain
it's cold and windy inside
but it's not a literal pain

i watched,
the tv blinked
the telephone stared
that Friendly,
United,
Caring and Kind roach just strolled past me

there are pictures everywhere
there are books everywhere
everywhere i see
a tale
a story
and in each story, in each tale,
i see people
sadness
joy
laughter
happiness
jubilation
lives
lives
life

i see - no - i saw
a family
a big one at that
it was everywhere
it was everything
and then
the lines blurred
the light fell bright
bright
wince - it was painfully bright
and then
it all became dark

no more books
no more pictures
no more family
no more laughs
no nothing

in a distant corner
i hear
it's still going on
it's still there
faint
weak
but alive

it will live
it will move on
it will go on
the pulse still breathes
but like nothing more
than an observer
like a cloud of gloom

it's still cold
it's still windy
it still hurts
it still pains

and i can't stay
to see the confusion
the spreading chaos
the confusion
the spreading chaos
the confusion

so i take my leave
quietly
silently
tiptoe my way out
to find another way

another place
another time
through the little back door.

it's pouring water
everywhere
it rains.

nice poem, aye?? sum1 else wrote it, but i added sum stuff. yea, haha.. beginnin 2 fall in luv wit em. anyway, e past 2 wks were a mess. hopin 2 catch up n not waste so much time.. in fact, my whole life's a mess. even havin a proper breakfast is turnin in2 a problem. & i'm HUNGRRYY!!! =( o well. gonna drown myself in hmwk.

"Mind over matter. Mind over matter.. Mind over matter..."

2005-01-12T19:33:00.000+08:00

my god.. not exactly in e high mood now...`been stayin back 4 e past few dys til reallie late lo...n it sux even more when u dun haf e $$$ / e time 2 eat. it's onli e 2nd wk n i'm exhausted. -.- well, i guess i'm pretty fortunate already..`pple'r worse off at e other side of e planet...

anyway. sth got mi 2 tinkin. "It doesnt pay to be kind." n i totally agree wit tt statement. especially when u get nth in return. in fact, bein kind's e same as bein nice. n "It doesnt pay to be nice." totally.

being nice also puts u at a disadvantage. i mean, we all noe e human race is selfish n it's our nature. hence, being nice wld actually mean 2 b kind 2 all. but we noe it's impossible 4 us 2 b nice at all times. mayb i'm jux being unreasonable wit myself..

sumhow, kindness is often being taken granted 4. n pple tink it's jux natural. well, it aint true. human beings arent created tis way. we'r selfish n it's all about "I", "Me", "Myself". e truth is, selfishness refers 2 e care n attention 1 gives 2 oneself. man has always been selfish n always will be. [includin me]

but is being selfish morally outrages?? no. 2 b selfish, is 2 simply give oneself e care n luv 1 can produce. many conceive tis 2 haf immoral mores, but tis isnt necessarily true. it's only natural tt man were 2 care about himself, given tt he/she is being put in a body called 'self'. even if we were 2 live in an utopist world whereby man wld all b selfless, it wld b impossible 2 cater 2 the interest of e 6 billion pple livin on earth.

in tt case, if pple 2dae r egocentric, wad is e energy boost, the thrust behind our actions? mayb 1 wld expect another 2 b less selfish and consider others when it comes 2 decision making. unfortunately, tis is at best superficial. locomotives such as personal benefits given when 1 asks 4 a favor, a simple "thank you" cld fulfill tis criterion. Motivations possibly include the knowledge tt friendship brings mutual profit, 1's reputation, or e pre-emptive measure taken 2 avoid conflicts, or it cld even subsist as the plain enjoyment in helpin a frene n e emotional warmth it brings. n tis is all bein selfish.

ironically, i feel ashamed 2dae..i had tis 5 n 2 dollar note n was wonderin which 2 donate 4 sophia durin CH earlier. n i gave e 2 dollar. so much talk abt tt selfishness...i'm no better.

i wish oh i wish
tt i could run away
2 someplace distant
n of no decay

where we can play bball under e street light
n count e stars while gazin at such a sight
2 fall asleep in e meadows
in e grasslands
mother nature so cautiously bestowed

without feelin guilty
nor filthy
about tomorrow's worry

i am terrified
mortified
petrified
of what the future might bring

sometimes
i jux feel lyk throwin in e towel
but something within jux tells me 2 hold on
2 hold on
2 keep trying
not crying
but defining
e outcome of whatever might b

whatever tomorrow might be..

2005-01-08T18:14:00.000+08:00

sometimes
i just feel like throwing in the towel
but something within just tells me to hold on
to hold on
to keep trying
not crying
but defining
the outcome of whatever might be

whatever tomorrow might be..

2004-11-27T18:44:00.000+08:00

yoo.. tis site has moved.. relink.. http://whateyescantc.blogspot.com

tnx so much! =D

2004-11-26T18:58:00.000+08:00

bleah~ bad manz.. things'r reallie bad. i'm sufferin frm major, n i mean, major INSOMNIA!!! cant blieve i slpt at 5a.m last nite. yep. i noe it sounds absurd, but every single word of it's true. mmhrmm. 5A.M. amazin?? lol. dunno wad was i tinkin anyway.. +.- i muz look lyk a panda now.. terrible!!! tink i need serious therapy.. recommendations, anyone???

anyways. read abt some 'words of wisdom' frm other pple's blogs.. n i learnt a new phrase! gd, aye?! -.-' lol..

"The harder u fall, the higher u bounce."

yea.. sounds comfortin, doesnt it..? guess i'm bcum 2 b more optimistic ler bah.. (hopefully) after all, i am jux 14...rite? so shouldnt take life soo seriously lahh.. muz "kan de kai"...stop self-pity...stop complainin...stop tinkin so much... plus, i've still got a looong way 2 go.. n i guess u wont die of starvation in sg rite..? sounds impossible.. yea.. n if dere's a will, dere oways will b a way. at most, jux jump off my block when $$$ reallie runs out lor.. big deal. (sorrie if i sound psychotic; i'm absolutely okae) cant help tinkin abt my future - 5yrs down e road ..wld i still b alive n kickin on tis planet??? sounds difficult... yep. n everyone has their own set of probs, so i suppose no one wld b able 2 understand / help.. gotta learn 2 solve everythin on my own n not rely on anyone. yea.. tis world jux seem soo cruel 2 mi.. dere's hardly any compassion / self-sacrifice in e world.. everyone's got their own lives 2 lead n we'r bombarded wit probs of our own, let alone help others.. hrmm.. tt rminds mi - all i reallie wanna say is, plz 4gif mi if i'd been too aloof towards anyone of u guys...pals, frenes, family, blah blah...`gotta understand everyone's got stuff 2 deal wit, i'm no exception either.. n if i may not b able 2 help out wit ur situation, at least tell mi abt it??? let mi at least b a frene n try 2 cheer u up or sth..ya noe... dun make it seem as though i'm some kinda inconsiderate / "bu jiang yi qi" / too-full-of-myself frene mah.. mayb sumtimes, all pple need is a listenin ear..ya noe.. n if u need 1, heyy! u've got one frm mi! =) dun 4get u've got tis frene over here(mi mi!!) leii.. lol..

n if u're feelin reallie down n haf reallie no one 2 tok to, try 2 at least get rid of ur hard-core feelins / "blueness" n stuff. it's reallie, reallie unhealthy + not gd if u bottle up all ur emotions.. yea.. do i sound lyk i'm some sorta psychiatrist??? lol.. well, it's 1 of my ambitions.. hahah? yea.. n if u feel as if life's meaningless .. (tis's gonna sound stupid / girly, but wadeva) try 2 feel ur pulse or sth. ya noe..frm ur wrist..or ur neck..or sth.. aiya, sure haf de lah.. lol? wad i'm tryin 2 say is, knowin tt ur heart's beatin every single second gives u reassurance + comfort - u are living every moment on earth. n perhaps, u wont feel tt bad abt urself / abt life?? well, it works lyk wonders 4 mi..

yea.. i'm not tryin 2 act lyk i'm a know-it-all..i mean, obviously dere'r times when i felt reallie down n emotional n stuff.. (hell, yea) n obviously, dere'r pple worse-off den mi when it cums 2 troubles n all.. but i suppose i wanna help??? ya noe..if u need some1 2 tok to or anythin, can oways cum find mi wan...i ver free de lah.. lol. n i suppose i'm gd at keepin secrets??? well, i haven reallie let a fat-cat outta e bag...i tink. o.O? yea. haiiz. sumtimes jux wonder if i'm a frene or not.. gotta admit, i can b rather selfish at times.. but heyy, hu isnt, rite...?? tt's 1 weakness abt humans i guess, selfishness.. haiiz. real sorrie.. anyway, jux wanna hope everyone'l stay happie!!!

"The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life. --Robert Louis Stevenson"

yea.. i gotta stop requestin 4 more in my life.. sure, my family isnt exactly big - i dun live in a 5-storey-terrace - my family aint rich -we dun drive a car - my father doesnt run a bank, nor is he a millionaire - my mother's age-ing - my grandmother's gettin ill day by day - i'm not exactly in some "branded" skool, nor am i super-intelligent. but heyy, at least, i haf food 2 eat - clothes 2 wear - a roof over my head. at least i dun hafta beg on e streets lyk in some parts of africa / india.. despite all tt, i'm still happie.

am i?

"We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness. -- David Weatherford"

geez. tis is one weird day, though. feel as if i've been slpin e whole dy. subconsciously slpin.. -.- my eyes hurt lyk hell.. gosh. gonna go get some rest...

chaoz, pple~

2004-11-22T15:53:00.000+08:00

hrmm. haven got much inspiration these few dys, so not much 2 say.. hahah. but i've got 1 new topic!!! +.+

heh.. wazz e most anticipated tv show on channel 5??? yep, it's idol-fever! SGI!!! but sumhow, i jux tink tt show's gettin borin + uninterestin. ~.~ nahh, in fact, it's stupid & dumb. yea, i've heard abt e news of sly's family probs.. d`oh. e press shld find family probs of their own. get a life! =.=

anyways. jux tink e show started e wrong way rite frm e beginnin. e competition's beginnin 2 lose its real meanin.. wazz fame anyway??? a temperory sense of self-satisfaction, knowin tt e world luvs u? geez. it probably wont last long anyway. i'd rather get a name in hollywood. {- now that's wad i call fame. ;)

back 2 sgi.. i'm not here 2 critisize e show or anythin. but still kinda angry at e fact tt e nation actually 'let go' of some talents. so now it's down 2 taufik & sly. yea, sure, dey must haf some capabilities 2 get em tis far, rite? but let's not 4get abt maia & jeassea. wad in e world happened 2 em?? especially jeassea. pple din even gif her a chance 2 prove herself. wazz their prob?? izzit sth abt e skin colour? get a life! & if not 4 jerry, we could haf probably saved at least 1/2 contestants in e show. tnx alot, jerry! still cant believe how tis show's shown e true colours of sg`reans - typical desperate-dos hu onli wanna make it big. so much 4 e 'passion 2wards music'. pullin strings frm familiy - friends - church friends blah blah blah.. r sg`reans that desperate 4 fame & popularity??? & dun 4get abt e voters..makin stupid decisions, thrashin hard-to-cum-by talents outta e show. wad in e world.. ? hu r those voters anyway???! some old ah-ma / ah-gongs hu noe abosolutely nth abt modern music??! & dey're pushin e wrong pple up e hot seat! -.-

4 once, i agree wit wad ken said on e last episode: oli + taufik had 2 work so hard 2 get votes, while sly onli has 2 stand dere & smile. tt's lyk, ..soo true! yea sure, sly's cool & everythin. but he's makin tis competition seem as if e contestants'r hafin a whose-got-e-biggest-fanclub competition. so y set up tis dumb show? wad for? u might as well name it e whose-got-e-cutest-look / e-most-kan-de-shuang-lian / e-coolest-hairstyle / e-most-baby-face competition. y go through so much trouble 2 search 4 talents country-wide??? dumb voters. O.O & those fans'r so obsessed wit their own idols tt dey reject other contestants. literally. den y ask em perform / vote? fans already haf their own idols in their mind - so wadeva e quality of e performance(gd or bad) of their 'idols', dey'l still vote 4 em! & y invite e judges for?? their comments dun even affect e pple's votes. or rather, pple cant even take in comments frm professionals. it doesnt work tt way! wad a rip-off 2 tv viewers.

& it makes mi feel 'face-less' when other pple in e world tink tt:
1. sg`reans haf no sense of taste 2 vote 4 such a loser.
2.sg`reans haf no better talents than to send a duck hu *quacks* instead of sing at every 'world-idol' competition.

geez. wad a letdown. i'l bet e president will haf a fit when he realises how much 'face' we're losin in e entertainment industry. o.O & i'm not sayin so-and-so or blah-and-blah shld win. all i'm sayin is, dun vote bcaz he's ur 'love-at-1st-sight'. vote bcaz he's worthy 2 b ur idol & not u bcumin his fan, dummies!(dere's a difference b/w choosin an idol & volunteeringly bcumin a fan) -.- anyways. wish taufik & sly e best of luck 4 e finals! let e voters humiliate themselves & lets hope tt e record company doesnt suffer a major loss in their business. +.-

caz i rest my case on tis one.

-peace.out-

2004-11-20T17:29:00.000+08:00

bored. wadeva. jux catched one tree hill!!! ooo manz! tt show's sooooooo nice!! ^^ darn short one. hahah.. btw, hu's left in sgi??? din watch e results on fri. o.O oli got out?

-peace out-

*yay! changed e song! pr33ty impressed by hilary.. tot she was no diff frm those singers tt onli last 4 a few months in e music industry - those famous-onli-in-1-minute, gone-in-e-nxt. guess she proved mi wrong.. * btw, tis episode of 20/20 is abt ashlee simpson VS jessica simpson + hilary duff VS haylie duff. umm...all abt sister-fame??? & of caz, interviews!!! =D 7.30pm on channelnewsasia. lol.. sounds as though i'm sum kinda advertiser.. +.-!

Fly lyrics
By HILARY DUFF

Any moment, everything can change
Feel the wind on your shoulder
For a minute, all the world can wait
Let go of your yesterday

[chorus]
Can you hear it calling?
Can you feel it in your soul?
Can you trust this longing?
And take control
Fly over up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life
And start to try, cause it's your time
Time to fly

All your worries, leave them somewhere else
Find a dream you can follow
Reach for something, when there's nothing left
And the world's feeling hollow

[chorus]

And when you're down and feel alone
And want to run away
Trust yourself and don't give up
You know you're better than anyone else

Any moment, everything can change
Feel the wind on your shoulder
For a minute, all the world can wait
Let go of your yesterday
Fly over up the part of you that wants to hide away
You can shine
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life
And start to fly
Forget about the reasons why you can't in life
And start to try, cause it's your time
Time to fly

Any moment, everything can change

2004-11-19T16:47:00.000+08:00

yEeheyYy!!! watched E EXORCIST on channel 5 last nite!!! ^^ yEhH! wanted 2 watch tt show eva since ..i dunno when. but ehh, it's part 3 lah - 1999. so not tt scary lor.. kinda disappointed. was hopin 4 a lil`bit more frm e show...okae, was hopin 4 ALOT more frm e show. yep. uh well.

anyways. jux found out tt ur mood & emotions directly affect ur health. mayb tt's y i've been gettin e flu lately. so. MUZ BE HAPPIE!!! 4 those moody(s), includin mi - BE HAPPIE & STAY CHEERFUL! lol.

over & out.

2004-11-18T15:36:00.000+08:00

ytd:
slp-walked 2 skool - paid e $$$ 4 e cals - slp-walked back home - slpt a`lil - went 2 visit ryan (he's much, much better) - slpt a`lil - found out tt my grand's had a Great fall. totally blew up my workin schedule. uh well. she's more important than e job, i guess. so. i jux gave up e job opportunity caz e vacancy has 2 b filled in urgently. uh well. tt's wad dey said... ~.~ mayb i'll take up babysittin??? yuck. i loathe babies. yea well, dey're cute, dey're soo innocent. wadeva. i jux ..haf a bad impression of em. yea.

geezes. i'm 14 rite?? feel as if i'm livin in my golden yrs oready. feel as if i'm 10yrs older.. +.- i can almost feel e "intensity" of e "adult-world". & it scares mi. hrmm. here's dedicated 2 e "adults" :

every early mornin, u c adults rushin 2 work. & here's tis 1 thing i cant figure out abt em: y dun dey jux wake up early? so dey can start everythin early & not rush. adults r farnie pple, arent dey? anyway. dey rush 2 catch e train - 2 catch e bus - catch a cab. & even in e train, u can almost feel their "stress-ness" or e "sian-ness" / jux rather, e "tension". big-business-pple r most probably on their cellfones, tryin 2 make an appointment wit their clients or mayb, callin e stock market 2 make their final decisions. others? jux day-dream abt their day at work while dey travel 2 e station. some dream 2 live e day where dey're offered a promotion / worse - dread e day where dey face e risk of retrenchment. some jux try 2 boost their energy 2 face another day in which dey suffer under e hands of their unreasonable bosses. others? dey gotta face e treatment dey get frm university graduates hu haf "masters" or phds - & often, r better than em. so, jux at e tot of tt makes em feel lousy & dey start 2 sulk. & den, u realise - u're e onli one listenin 2 a discman playin simple plan's cd, while e "adults" r facin another tough dy, wad wit e competition in e "reality-world". & dere's jux 1 thing almost similar tt u find abt em: no one seems 2 enjoy their job(wad dey're doin). it's as though dey work jux 4 e sake of workin. & den u tink; mayb dey've gone "numb" aft all tt workin 4 10/15 yrs? so eventually, dey 4got wad got em in2 their present occupation / industry - simply, 4gotten where their dreams & interests lied. & den u question: wit e tirin workin hours; pple workin 24/7, where do adults get their free time? do dey even haf time 4 leisure? perhaps a`lil romance? where do dey get e time 2 date, settle down, get married, & eventually, haf kids? but at e end of e day, "adults" still rush 2 board e earliest train 2 get home 2 their families & if possible, haf a nice dinner wit em. & aft tt? haf a gd long rest & prepare 4 tml where e whole "cycle" thing jux starts again.

tough, isnt it? +.+ i told ya, i'm feelin 24 when i'm actually onli 14. sux. mayb i'm goin bonkers stayin at home almost everydy wit nth 2 do. & e telly's gonna blow in any minute caz my eyes r oways glued onto it. & my eyes r probably gonna gain an xtra 2000 degrees frm all tt light cumin outta e com / e telly. & i'm hafin at least 10hrs of slp everydy. & no, it aint bcaz i slp early & wake up late. it's bcaz i slp at 3am+ & onli wake up at 1.30pm - 2 catch baby looney tunes. wonder how many brain cells i've killed frm all tt slpin.. wad a livin hell.

feel lyk runnin away frm home. oops. sorrie, it aint called a "home", especially when pple in e house are oways yellin at each other & wad's worse - u haf an obstinate(no way 2 negotiate) + stick-in-mud + "hard-2-communciate" grand at home. which obviously, makes matters worse. =.= anyway. it aint called a "home". it's called a "house". dere's absolutely no kinship / warmth / no nth in e dic of this "house". dere's onli -furniture- & pple livin under e roof bcaz dey haf nowhere else 2 go to. tt's y i'd like 2 call it a "house" & not a "home". gosh. i'm bein darn sacarstic down here. o.O (sorrie if i sound naggy wadsoeva) anyway. dere's almost no difference in livin here & livin on my own. i'd prob move out if i haf e ability to. well, xcept mayb, e $$$ prob. sure, i noe how 2 pay e bills. sure, i noe how 2 get my own food w/o hafin 2 cook myself. sure, i noe how 2 do housework - i jux need sum ..trainin? ~.~ apart frm tt, i dun c no difference. & dere's 1 more thing: e government doesnt allow a citizen at e age of 14 2 actually purchase an apartment & live by herself. how convenient. +.+ & i'm oways wonderin: wazz a dinin table 4 when no one even bothers 2 haf their meals at e dinin table? seriously, i wanna get back 2 skool. wit or w/o e books. i jux need another place 2 go to. probably 2 camp out as well. great. i'm "runnin" away frm everythin - e last thing u'd wanna do.

as much as i'd lyk to - i wanna believe tt all tis is all a nightmare & e spell will b "broken" by e time i "wake up". but too bad, it isnt & it's not gonna b. tis is a living nightmare. a reality. no, my reality.

2004-11-16T16:50:00.000+08:00

hrmm.`am lookin at ger's msn nick: "i luv mankind. it's pple i hate." nice huh...? ^^ actually, i oso dunno wazz e meanin of it. hahah. too .. deep in meanin liao. cant figure e bottomline. o.O? uh well. read zh's entry.. d`oh. no need highlight my BiG name till soo BIG lahh.. hahah. yep, gotta thank YEO ZHI HUI as well! my "loyal fan"! lol. no lah, jk! =p ermm...consistant tagger? dunno wad else 2 use liao..hahah. tnx sia! =) & to CHRISSY + RUTHIE too! =) hahah.. xcept dey keep refreshin e pg till everytime post at least 2msgs on e board..lol. =.= how dumb can dey get.? kiddin!! =p keep taggin, yah??! ^^

yakk. din wanna wake up 2dae actually.. but got my fat ass off e bed at 2+??? yea. 2pm. hey, i slpt at 2+ last nite, kae! & i need at least 10hrs of slp a day... so, yep. supposed 2 go over 2 ryan's 2dae.. but kinda lazy lah. sorrie, pal!! pai sey. =p uh well. tnx 2 zh's comments abt e song, i changed e noisy "ocean avenue" 2 michelle branch's BREATHE!!! luv tt song! ^^ nxt song's gonna blue's bubblin!!!! =) found out abt www.iwebtunes.com heh.. cant find e diff b/w webtunes & webmusic. ~.~ both e qualities of songs r lyk shit. sorrie lahh. reallie mahh.. alot of "disturbance" in e background of songs.. =.= sux. uh well.

i'm still kinda sick..caught e BIRDFLU!!! arrhhh, no. lyk real. been real rainy these dys..nose cant take it lor. rheumatism??? old liao`old liao..

*hey, wtheck.?! dere's jux too many blogs ard sia. i wanted 2 find sum info on e movie, dollmaster & all sorts of blogs came out. wthell. i wan e official website, hello?! anyone?! +.- hur. cant find e offical web, if it even HAS one tt is. but read lots of "reviews" frm other peeps' blogs.. "e dolls r damn freaky." "spooky atmosphere" sounds cool, aye..???! =p but dere's jux one .. "we laughed so hard" o.O? ehh, how exactly can u laugh when u're catchin a horror flick? hrmm. sum1 teach mi. =pPp*

Breathe lyrics
By MICHELLE BRANCH

I've been driving for an hour,
just talking to the rain
They say I've been drivin crazy,
and it's keepin you away.
So just give me one good reason.
Tell me why I should stay,
'Cause I dont wanna waste another moment
in saying things we never meant to say

And I take it just a little bit.
I hold my breath and count to ten.
I been waiting for a chance to let you in.

[chorus]
If I just breathe
let it fill in the space between
I'll know everything is alright.
Breathe every little piece of me,
you'll see
everything is alright.
If I just breathe

Well its all so overrated
In not saying how you feel
So you end up watching chances fade,
and wondering what's real,
And I give ya just a little time.
I wonder if you realize.
I've been waiting till I see it in your eyes.

[chorus]

So I whisper in the dark
hoping you'll hear me.
do you hear me?

If I just breathe
let it fill in the space between
I'll know everything is alright.
Breathe
every little piece of me
You'll see everything is alright.
Everything is alright.
If I just breathe...

I've been driving for an hour,
just talking to the rain

2004-11-15T17:00:00.000+08:00

{aAaAhHhhHHHh!!!!!!} supposed 2 b watchin MTV MUSIC VIDEO AWARDS on channel 5 now!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! omg! but grand's watchin channel u!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! haiyo. WASTED LAH! gRrrRr.

not onli is my grand literally HOGGING e telly, but she's reallie e cause of my dark circles.. =.= oohh ya! found out tt while cucumber solves e prob of eye-bags, POTATO solves e prob of dark circles! haha. yep. err, where was i? rite. horrible nite ytd.. i gotta get outta bed 4 times jux 2 open e stupid window so FRESH AIR can circulate & i dun haf 2 breathe in e carbon dioxide i jux breathed out. +.- y??? caz my grand checked on mi 4 times n shut e window 4 times while i'd been pretendin 2 slp. +.-y??? caz my grand's worried tt e cat wld climb in. hrmm. try gettin tis in2 her head: E STRAY CATS OUT DERE AINT THAT SLIM 2 CLIMB THROUGH E GRIDS OF OUR WINDOWS. it's a pity she doesnt understand tt. sure hope she realises we're livin in e 21st century & not sum atap kampong houses. tok abt generation gap. +.-

anyways. went over 2 ryan's ytd. lyk "meet-e-in-laws" huh. lol. no lah, jk! his parents kinda nice lah.. poor dude kana car accident while at K.L! swuay sia. got a cast ard his arm.. {HAHAHAHA} lol. jk lah. =p nice souveneir frm m`sia hor?? teehee. uh well. at least he's got a chance 2 travel....2 m`sia. LOL. =.=

yakk. needa go back skool 2 return e cals thingy. D`oh. oso no one wan buy.. haiyah. waste production $$$ lah. hueva came up wit tt idea is SENSELESS. oOps??

uh well. kinda troubled now.. e whole muz-make-a-choice-thing's -killin- mi. heck. when it cums den i'll deal wit it lah. tired of makin choices & end up regrettin em. +.- admit lah: i've got poor judgement. =/ bad. anyways. abit irritated by *her.. keeps wantin 2 noe abt my "background".. +.- stupid & dumb. i mean, everyone has had a past rite??? & if i dun wanna tok abt it, y muz she keep probin in2 it??? sure, my background's iNtEreStin, in a way tt it makes pple soo curious. ~.~ but ya noe wat?! i'm happie wit it & i'm happie wit hu i am. wazz so fascinatin abt e past??? =.= glad tt other peeps spoke up 4 mi. but she is one obstinate kid. O.O

uh well. realised tt "it takes 100 lies 2 cover up 4 1 lie". nice rite, tt phrase?? ^^ so mayb i'll break e truth or wad lah. if i hadnt lie abt it den i wont b gettin so much trouble now. hur`hur. gotta deal wit it nxt yr oso.. haiyah. sian nah. shld nv haf lied in e 1st place. +.- wadeva. nxt yr's resolution: DUN LIE. +.-

yepp. changed e song. OCEAN AVENUE!!! {woOoHh!} =p but um um. kinda dun suit my blogskin??? hahah. wadeva. sick sia. i muz b lookin lyk rudolph e reindeer. checkin out` XD

Ocean Avenue lyrics
By YELLOW CARD

There's a place off Ocean Avenue
Where I used to sit and talk with you
We were both 16 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night

There's a place on the corner of Cherry Street
We would walk on the beach in our bare feet
We were both 18 and it felt so right
Sleeping all day, staying up all night
Staying up all night

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

There's a piece of you that's here with me
It's everywhere I go, it's everything I see
When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by
I can make believe that you're here tonight
That you're here tonight

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

I remember the look in your eyes
When I told you that this was goodbye
You were begging me not tonight
Not here, not now
We're looking up at the same night sky
And keep pretending the sun will not rise
Be together for one more night

Somewhere, somehowIf I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

2004-11-13T19:30:00.000+08:00

*sigh* nth 2 say lah.. disappointed in e human race!!! lol. disappointed in my judgement as well. =.= uh well. changed e song!!! woOoHh! ABSOLUTELY LOVE AVRIL LAVINGEE!!!! wahhh haaa..

Nobody's Home lyrics
BY AVRIL LAVINGE

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside...
She's lost inside, lost inside...

2004-11-11T23:00:00.000+08:00

wHoA! my COM is POSSESSED?!?!!!!!! e "num lock" + "scroll lock" keeps cumin on & off by ITSELF! *o* & it can b "operated" by ITSELF?! boy`oh`boy.. better get an EXORCIST ASAP. lol. not tryin 2 scare anyone here.. jux a fact??? uh well. tis com's jux goin bonkers.. or am I.....? +.-

listenin 2 Toro's "Wang Le Ai". o man. tt song is .. sad. plain sad. o.o# speakin of Toro....E Champ` ROX! =) except it's reallie a darn short series.. last 3 episodes i suppose??? uh well. at least yilin was caught in e act. STERIODS?! +.- & sad tt e "pa" died in an accident.. aiyo! rminded mi of his funeral.. how cld dey ask him, as an actor, & as a LIVING PERSON 2 get in2 e coffin jux 2 show e "touchy" side???! i mean, tt is SO SWUAY + BU JI LI! aiyor.. can u imagine urself gettin in2 a coffin when u're not even dead...??? poor guy. so old summore. still ask him step inside a coffin.. uh well. dun b too superstitious??? +.-

ermm. "Happie Deevali"??? *sigh* tt's e exact reason y i'm usin e com in e nite. +.- no show ta watch!!!! =( bollywood/hollywood's on channel 5. & channel 8 + u...arhh, dey bcum crappy channels when it cums 2 nite shows.. channel i...sum indian blockbuster??? central. hrmm. i wonder. jux d/l-ed maple story jux now.. dunno y cant open. online game. *sigh* & priston tale's takin a WAY too long time 2 d/l. kinda given up.. O.o dunno do wad now.. BORED!

tok abt holidays. din reallie get out tis wk.. kinda cooped myself at home??? i dunno wazz out dere 2 shop / walk abt. i mean, everythin's e same in sg... Urghhh~! & i cant afford 2 go on a holiday overseas... so. I'M STUCK IN SG!!!! bad thing. uh well. miss skool??? abit? hahah.. place filled wit memories.. my 2nd home.. gonna go back on e 16th 2 return cals though. haven tot of how i'm gonna purchase nxt yr's txtbks.. feel lyk orderin online?? caz i'm too darn lazy 2 carry those THICK bks back home.. hahah..

so. got in2 C! wooohh!! kae. not as hyper oready lah.. hahah. my life's been kinda topsy-turvy tis holi`. 1st, got so bumped over e get-in2-combi-D thing. den .. e change of fate???! hahah.. wad wit e appeal thingy & gotta met up wit reallie old frenes .. sum "long-lost" ones, mayb? got 2 hang out wit e 5/10 pple??? nv seen em 4 reallie LONG time, huh.. & now.. realised how much dey've changed.. [i'm jux sayin in general, not 2 .. u noe, anyone in particular] hrmm.. turnin sec 4s 4 many of em.. tinkin...priorities...perceptions... jux change.. not jux overnite, i suppose???

time. tt's it. thanks 2 time. kinda chatted wit 1 of em through e fone?? startled by *his behaviour.. used 2 b a real buddy. now??? hrmm. a flirt mayb? told us he'd changed. 4 e worse, as i see it. kinda disappointed. even dumped his gf 4 sumone else?? jux bcaz e other *she looked better..? gotta say, i wasnt expectin tis. told us he'd changed. o.O wad happened 2 his so-called "change"?? wad exactly did he do 2 himself...? uh well. influences mayb. reallie got upset especially aft seein her havin such a tough time 4gettin abt him. hrmm. she deserves sumone better i guess. sumone hu accepts her 4 hu she is - her character, personality, e way she is. & not bcaz of LOOKS & LOOKS ONLY. blinded, i guess. cant believe how much he'd changed. hope he realises his mistakes soon & get back 2 e real him - e guy hu cld lend a ear or a shoulder, e guy hu was such a great frene, e guy hu was so nice & wasnt prejudiced against anyone, or jux reallie, e "mr-nice-guy". used 2 b a real buddy. guess i've tot wrong.

uh well. enuf tok abt tt. dun wan pple 2 say i'm backstabbin my frene or sth..which i'm not doin, of caz.. jux so disappointed. guess lots of pple frm 5/10's reallie "jaded" away. *dey used 2 b so nice & confident.. jux look at em now. pathetic. sorrie abt bein harsh. plain, pathetic. *she & *he used 2 b such nice pple, ya noe.. NICE. absolutely nice..

feel as though i'm naive & dumb. keep seein e wrong side of pple.. WHERE IN E WORLD DID COMPASSION GO TO?! tok abt bein nice. sick of "KAN CHUO-ing" pple. can ANYONE touch mi wit their sincerity????! dun wanna "KAN CHUO" another person.. dun feel lyk makin frenes nxt yr. darn tired. wad eva happened 2 e human race?! I NEED ENLIGHTENMENT!!! lol. hrmm. mayb i'm not so gd myself. ha.ha.ha. ironic. mayb i'm not such a gd frene anyway. mayb i'm not nice either. mayb i've changed 4 e worse as well.. [plz tell mi if i reallie do - dun wanna regret b4 it's too late..] uh well. how do u even define "nice" or "a gd frene"?? no one's perfect, rite??? so no one noes how 2 b perfect - nice + impartial + passionate + friendly + perfect + perfect??? or does anyone even noe how ta define "PERFECT"??? e dic has e meaning - except tt it doesnt teaches u how ta B Perfect. uh well. mayb shld b grateful 4 e other great frenes & pple ard mi.. my old buddies...family...say-hi-onli frenes...& of caz, 2I! hahah.. =) 2i rox lah.. *sigh*

OMG?! my com started 2 write "bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb
bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb" by ITSELF?! good heavens. tis is gettin real freaky. okae, i'd better stop typin or sth. *o*

SPOOKED.

2004-11-10T18:43:00.000+08:00

oohhh man, dang. i actually blogged b4 tis. but wadeva. dumb com. hohoho. YEAA MANN!!! YeEeEhHaAaAhH! woOoOHhH!!!!! i got in2 combi C!!!! YES!!! my appeal worked!!!! SUPER HYPER now!!!! =.= ha.ha. received e news in e mornin & i'm still so HYPER! lolx. jux when i was abt 2 bow down 2 fate.. jux when my life's at e lowest point.. jux when i woke up??? saw e msg of my life!!! "our appeals are successful!!" can hav heart attack sia! SUPER HAPPIEE!!!!! YEESSSSS!!!!! ^^ happie 4 those hu's appeals worked!!! =) all got wad we wanted, yeh??? heheh.. ^^ 2I ROX!!! luv u guys! hahah.. =p

hrmm. kinda scared at e tot of leadin an upper sec life nxt yr. sTrEsS???? tOUgH???? uh well. shldnt tink so much.. i'm not alone anyway. (40 times 9) = 360 pple same as mi!!! woahahah. okae, crappin here. =p feel as though my life's reached its turnin point.. hahah. ^^ UNBELIEVABLE!!! hahahahahaha..

uh well. suddenly feel my frenes haf "jaded" away??? feel as though *she's jux tryin too hard 2 gain acceptance frm sum pple. pple whom i wont even count as "frenes". dey'll probably stab her in e back or leave her in e lurch when e tough gets goin anyway.. toked 2 her loads of times, but she jux doesnt get it.. o hell. when will she face it??? nobody can help her unless she makes e 1st step. dun say we havent rminded u frm e beginnin.. & dun cum cryin 2 us when u realise tt u've jux made 1 big fat mistake. "When the tables turn again, u'll remember us my friend, u'll be wishing we were there for u. We'll be the ones u'll miss the most, But u'll only find our ghosts. As time goes by, u'll wonder why, u're all alone."

uh well. at least *she teaches mi sum lessons.. y try soo hard 2 gain acceptance frm pple??? especially pple whom u'll tink twice b4 befriendin em. *sigh* bad choice. obviously tryin 2 make ur life lyk hell. so y care whether dey lyk u or not?? if dey dun accept u, den 4get it. dey dun deserve a frene lyk u. u deserve frenes much better than em. uh well. *she jux doesnt get it. -.-

i wanna watch "e 4gotten"!!!! haha. it aint a ghost film, silly zw. hahah.. & wazz so bad abt final destination??? yea, it's freaky. so??? doesnt freak mi. ha.ha. =p but err .. films featurin ghosts DO scare mi. *o* final destination's jux....unexplainable???? uh well. yea.. does anyone wanna go watch "e 4gotten"??? we shld settle a "movie-day"! haha.. b4 sam leaves sg, tt is. jealous of her!!! goin jap + korea!?!? {ahhHhHh!} tok abt rich. hahaa..

uh well. short 1 2dae. still luv e "cuttin edge ah beng names"!! lol. pr33ty interestin lah, hOr?? =D haha.. oohh yea! took out sum pics + added in sum stuff here & dere.. BREAKAWAY by KELLY CLARKSON!!! aaahhaaaa.. =p

Breakaway lyrics
By KELLY CLARKSON

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy I would pray

Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray
I could breakaway

[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train3
Travel on a jet plane, far away
And breakaway

[Chorus]

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

2004-11-09T16:14:00.000+08:00

hahah.. yea! did sum "changes" 2 e class foto.. wahahahha. uh well. listened 2 "One Tree Hill"s soundtrack. jux realised i MISSED tis wk's episode!!!!! OMG?! dang. anywayz. slpt frm 1am-1pm last nite. ha.ha.haz. nice huh?? =p i muz haf killed tOns of brain cells liao. slp 2 much lah.. hahah. jux checked out america's nxt top. oo manz.. YOANNA!!! wa.ha.ha.ha. was actually hopin sara wld win.. uh well. camile sux, btw. tt backstabber. ~.~ gotta check nxt wk's episode 4 her full "caught-in-e-act".

okae. figured "Shutter" is a horror flick. confirm. but err .. it involves ghosts??? still rmb tt time went 2 j8 saw tt darn freaky adv at e cinema.. & ger + amelia were soo .. "fascinated" by it??? {ahHhHhH!} tt adv was real freaky.. showed tons of fotos wit ghosts captured in it.. EeWw! tt's e "Shutter" rite??? geez. i was actually tinkin of watchin tt movie.. guess not. >.< i soO wanna watch "e 4gotten"!!!!! wOoOhH! tink tt movie rox! aft watchin e adv. haha. uh well. =p wonder y pple lyk 2 watch shows lyk "the eye", "shutter", "ju-on".. i mean, y in e world wld pple wan watch films abt e "unxplainable"?!??! i mean, abt sumthin u dun even noe abt?! doesnt tt freak u out?! uh well. mayb tt's y pple luv it so much - e feelin of bein scared & e tension.. *spooked* *o*

hrmm. gonna b a darn short one?? hehx.. mayb i'll blog later.. here's an extract frm sir ben's entry. sth abt "ah beng" names??? hahaha. found it real farnie + interestin! check it out, aye! =p
btw, hope he doesnt mind.. i nv ask 4 copyrite service!

-CUTTING EDGE AH BENG NAMES-

NAME YOUR CHILD AFTER MOVIES
Note: Names of actual movie stars, e.g. brad pitt or jennifer aniston, are out.
Names of movie characters are in:
SHREK, e.g. Shrek Chin Ah Chee
NEMO, e.g. Nemo Loh Han Hee
FRODO, e.g. Frodo Chin Kah Teck
LEGOLAS, e.g. Legolas Ng Tau Mor
ARWEN (recommended; already sounds like a local name), e.g. Arwen Tan Ah Wen )

NAME YOUR CHILD AFTER THE PLACE THEY WERE CONCEIVED
PHUKET, e.g. Phuket Kee Chiak Hong
CARPARK, e.g. Carpark Phang Koo Poon
BEDROOM, e.g. Bedroom Lai Kee Koon
GEYLANG, e.g. Geylang Loh Rong Wan

NAME YOUR CHILD AFTER YOUR FAVOURITE CONSUMER GOODS
ARMANI, e.g. Armani Chin Ah Kwee
ERICSSON, e.g. Ericsson Kah Thian Wei
SONY, e.g. Sony Boey Wei Gah
BEARDPAPA, e.g. Beardpapa Chia Kao Song
BUBBLE TEA, e.g. Bubble Lim Say Goh

NAME YOUR CHILD AFTER POPULAR BUSINESSES
BIOTECH, e.g. Biotech Liah Boh Kiew
ECOMMERCE, e.g. Ecommerce Goh Sim Lim
BREADTALK, e.g. Breadtalk Kong Loh Tee
MLM, e.g. Network Mah Ker Ting

NAME YOUR CHILD AFTER PLACES YOU WANT TO EMIGRATE TO
PERTH, e.g. Perth Khee Aw Chiu
CALIFORNIA, e.g. California Chee Jin Shan
CHINA, e.g. China Chin Chee Nah
BANGKOK, e.g. Bangkok Goh Beng Kok

NAME YOUR CHILDREN AFTER POPULAR PASTIMES
TOTO, e.g. Toto Teo Bay Pio
SHOPPING, e.g. Taka Goh Shor Peng
KARAOKE, e.g. Karaoke Goh Sing Song (Kara Oh Kay Eng also can)
SNOOKER, e.g. Snooker Phua Bee Liat
WATCHING TV, e.g. Teevie Quah Kow Hsien

2004-11-08T15:47:00.000+08:00

YeAh mAN! e old cheerful crazy lihui's BACK!!!! wahaahhaaa....!!!!!.... =p yea.. chris is soo rite! understands mi best sia. hahah.. tnx, man! =) slpt away my "confuse-ness" away last nite.. & i'm clear now! CRYSTAL. clear. ready 2 move on & "NEVER SAY DIE"!!!! woOhOoo! dun ask wazz gotten in2 mi.. =p "come wadeva may!" wahahaha..! "SHALL NEVER GIVE UP!" yEaH mAn! =) [if u choose 2 gif up, u're choosin failure] lurve tt phrase. ;)

kae, so. realised stuff frm e past r cumin back 2 HAUNT mi?!?!?! hahah.. no lah, jux had time 2 meet up wit lots of ex-skoolmates + old buddies.. mayb tt's y i've been so darn confused & even doubted myself. hrmm. but i'm BLASTIN SIMPLE PLAN's cd outta e speakers!!!! woaahhhaa... i'm totally on a HIGH now! =)

chatted wit audrey jux now.. she got in2 combi B!!!! & her mum's still not happie??? goodness. i'll b OVER E MOON if i was her! i'm lyk, much MUCH wOrsE! =( soo unfair, cum 2 tink of it. maths, maths, MAAATTHHHHSSSS!!! feel SO HELPLESS abt it. doubt e whole appeal thingy will work when dey're other pple hu deserve a re-transfer more than mi. or need it badly jux as mi. hur.. not tt i wanna b selfish & inconsiderate, but if dere could onli b one winner, i sure hope it's mi.. =( though dere's still lots of pple hu're not satisfied. *SIGH* wadeva. these kinda things..i'd haf 2 say it's luck lor. either u haf it or u dun. so deal wit it.

enuf tok abt skool stuff. it's e HOLIDAYS!!! yeah! lol. do i sound lyk a retard??? caz it started way LONG AGO??? ha.ha.ha. =p o well.. chill & practically do nth at home.. SIAN!!! i'm absolutely BORED. DYING 2 do sum stuff.. xcept .. wad?? hmwk?? yea.. i can start wit chi though....NOT! =p wahahha.. later tis month den do lah. ;) no sjab 4 abt 3+wks?!?!?!?! =( *sniff* i wanna get back 2 footdrill!!!!! =( even though it's tough wadsoeva. but it's FUN! hahaahahha.. i'm sure yi jun + monica(I)'ll agree wit mi.. heheh.. darn it. when exactly can we get back 2 sjab?!?!?! miss my squad mates.. hahah! =) & NO, i DUN miss mr william hung. sir ben mayb??? hahah.. haven seen him in a lOong time lo.. ;) miss his "teletubbies" thing. lol! miss e seniors + hui yan's craziness! lol! FOOTDRILL ROX! =p

hrmm.. feel lyk goin job-huntin lei.. reallie need an xtra income!!!! {aHhHh} dunno, but i'm scared at e idea??? WORK. jux tis word is enuf 2 scared mi. how am i gonna noe if i'm up 4 it??? even if it's jux workin at a fast-food restaurant. dun even noe wad i can do dere.. =X

anyway, got lots of stuff muz settle 1st. sumone's waitin 4 my sms??? gotta check when 2 return those dumb calendars. & gotta c if my appeal works! + renew my popular card??? ha.ha.ha. busy sia. is anyone goin back 2 skool on e 10th??? help mi c e appeal thingy.. lol. lazy lah..!

re-charged. "NEVER SAY DIE!" =)

Me Against The World lyrics
By SIMPLE PLAN

We're not gonna be just a part of their game
We're not gonna be just the victims
They're taking our dreams and they tear them apart
'Til everyone's the same

I've got no place to go
I've got nowhere to run
They'd love to watch me fall
They think they know it all

[chorus]
I'm a nightmare, a disaster
That's what they always said
I'm a lost cause, not a hero
But I'll make it on my own
I've gotta prove them wrong
Me against the world

It's me against the world

We won't let them change how we feel in our hearts
We're not gonna let them control us
We won't let them shove all their thoughts in our heads
And we'll never be like them

I've got no place to go
I've got nowhere to run
They'd love to watch me fall
They think they know it all

[chorus]

Now I'm sick of this waiting
So come on and take your shot
You can spit all your insults
But nothing you say's gonna change us
You can sit there and judge me
Say what you want to
We'll never let you win

I'm a nightmare, a disaster
That's what they always said
I'm a lost cause, not a hero
But I'll make it on my own
Me against the world

I'm a nightmare, a disaster
That's what they always said
I'm a lost cause, not a hero
But I'll make it on my own
I've gotta prove them wrong
They'll never bring us down
We'll never fall in line
I'll make it on my own
Me against the world

2004-11-07T17:10:00.000+08:00

bloggin again.. yea.. kinda got bored & got LOADS of emotions - need 2 DE-STRESS!!! =X yea, sorrie arh, tis's gonna b abit borin + philosophical. yep. it's those moments when u're jux so angry wit life & urself & everyone ard u... -.-

okae. so mum's illness gettin back again. din go on her medication??? *sigh* life's gonna b hell soon... how i'd wish i can turn e time back.. back 2 where i was lyk, much much younger??? & more "bu dong shi". den i wldnt haf 2 face all tis by myself. jux hope her "abnormal behaviour" is caz of sth else.. hOpeFuLLY. dun wanna go through it again. pure terror + tremour.

hrmm. jux read ger's recent entry. hahah.. guess she was kinda surprised tt amelia & i changed??? gotta say, i din find much change in her actually.. hahah.. but u cant jux tell aft lyk, half a dy rite..?? so. as much as i wanted 2, [okae, not THAT much] it's impossible 2 go back 2 e past where we're in pri skool dys.. fine. actually, i dun even wan 2. =p those 6yrs.. horrible + memorable 6yrs??? in & out. spent 1/10 of my yrs dere.. learnt abt 1/30 of my life-learnin-lessons in dere.. was kinda horrible, tinkin back. dun wanna guess wad kinda lessons i'd still haf 2 learn in e future... =XXX but i guess i'm still quite happie wit my present self?? try 2 live life as it is lor.. gif & take. 4gif & 4get. *sigh* so tirin sumtimes..especially when u try soo hard 2 not b selfish..

gotta say, i'm sick of growin up??? dunno wad else i'm supposed 2 face.. so broken up aft onli 14yrs??? i'm tired. -.- damn tired. in fact, lost. dunno where i shld "go" now.. waverin abt here & dere.. hafin 2nd tots abt hu i reallie am... jux .. so many sides of mi.. e quiet + conserve part of mi in e past.. dun-haf-e-courage-2-b-truthful part of mi now.. e bubbly + carefree side durin sjab.. e serious + complicated character in class??? e totally-changed-frene in my old frenes' eyes.. *sigh* so tired. so tired of showin pple hu i am. tired of pleasin pple. tired of doin things & still haf2 consider other pple's feelins. tired of bein taken granted 4. tired of TRYIN 2 B happie. tired of buildin up all e lies, 1 aft another. tired & sick of bein broke???! hahah.. so much stuff 2 complain abt life.. simple plan's "welcome 2 my life" song reallie summarizes my feelins now lah. feelin...totally n.e.g.a.t.i.v.e.

but i'm listen 2 westlife's "angel" now.. hahx.. yep. now's 1 of those reallie "bLuE" times...mood swing mayb??? nah. tryin 2 figure out hu i am.. jux dunno which's e real mi though i wish 2 b blah-blah-blah side. but tt'll jux b cheatin. 2 pple ard mi + 2 myself. *sigh* tired. jux how many times haf i mentioned e word "tired"...??? oh god. i seriously need help.

sumtimes tink my life's cursed. haiyo.. so many stuff tt i've gotta go through which others dun haf 2.. tok abt tough. +.+ dun tell mi abt hardships buildin a better man. those hardships make mi tired! =/ dun tink i'd haf e strength 2 overcome all e obstacles in life in e future wadsoeva lah. mayb i'll jux end it sumwhere sumtime. doin quite well now though. considerin i haven joined a gang /turned in2 a problematic kid /totally flunk my studies & dun even bother..especially when dere's no example at home lyk a sis / bro or mayb guides lyk normal parents??? yea..i tink i'm doin fine on my own lah.. mayb sumdy, i'll live 2 tell my grandchildren abt my "tough-life" storie & die in my bedroom caz i've aged. lol. i sound so depressed??? dun tink i'll haf grandchildren.. i'd probably bcum a widow anyway. ha.ha.ha. jux tired lah. dun mind mi. i dun need a nap though. tnx. -.-

gotta go SEARCH 4 myself durin e holi`s.. mayb i'll b able 2 find sth under yahoo.. type under search: "lihui" ha.ha.ha. feelin real messed up & lost. i'm lOsiN mySelf!!!!! get a grip. -.- & luckily it's e holi`s & i dun haf 2 face anyone durin tis period. i'd probably go nuts if i do. tell mi 2 count my blessings. hrmm. tell mi, wad blessings exactly do i haf???? perhaps a shelter over my head + food 2 eat & water 2 drink? as if a normal 14-yr-old teenager in sg doesnt haf.

constantly bein rminded of betrayals & lies & those BIG fAke smiles. & tt best frenes cannot b trusted. tok abt wounded-4-life. tink i've made PLENTY of mistakes + wrong frenes b4 i make rite choices. tired of tt whole process. dread makin frenes all over again nxt yr..diff class..diff pple.. tired. rminds mi of human hypocrisy.. sick of tt. human selfishness.. sick of tt 2. insensitive pple hu rub salt 2 ur wound.. sick of tt three. tough 2yrs in sec skool. though great class wit great pple, got loads of stuff 2 deal wit. high pt - low pt. in & out. dun wanna leave too much memories in one place. mayb tt's y i'm ready split wit e class. cant b bothered wit anythin else. need time 2 chill & 4get abt certain stuff. & face yet another day tml + millions & millions of days yet 2 cum.

tired. "Welcome 2 Reality."

"Welcome 2 my Life" lyrics
By SIMPLE PLAN
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

[chorus]
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

[chorus]

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

[chorus]

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

2004-11-06T22:52:00.000+08:00

stuck on Simple Plan! =) watched princess diaries 2 + met up wit old frenes! ^^ storyline abit borin. pr33ty humourous. 3.5/5. had class chalet. was a BLAST! but came home & slpt 4 6hrs & ate b4 goin back 2 slp again. lolx. kinda confused at e moment. my frenes r rite. dun noe wad i'm doin now. lost.

Perfect World lyrics
By Simple Plan

I never could've seen this far
I never could've seen this coming
It seems like my world's falling apart, yeah
Why is everything so hard?
I don't think I can deal with the things you said
It just won't go away

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You'd still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all

I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through, yeah
I wish that I could bring you back
I wish that I could turn back time
Cause I can't let go I just can't find my way, yeah
Without you I just can't find my way

[chorus]

I don't know what I should do now
I don't know where I should go
I'm still here waiting for you
I'm lost when you're not around
I need to hold on to you I just can't let you go yeah, yeah

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You'd still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all
You feel nothing, nothing at all
Nothing at all

2004-11-03T11:04:00.000+08:00

actually was feelin much better last nite aft complainin 2 LOADS of pple.. hahah.. but woke up tis mornin & everythin started 2 sink in again. damn.

lolx. LURVE my msn nick: "____(u noe hu i mean???) has BAD BREATH -- no art class. ____'s words kinda came true. now WaT?! jackasses." yep. tis entry's gonna b pr33ty vulgar, i guess. but i'm not gonna use e 4-letter-word lahh....(even though i wan to)

yea! i'm STILL PISSED over my combi. i DID NOT intend 2 get in D!! even 4got wad i wrote 4 those electives. & Y?! caz i DIN tink i wld actually GET IN tt DUMB class wit LOUSY + USELESS SUBS. W.S.C(wad.e.stupid.crap) i mean, hu'd wan study D&T / F&N?!?! hu'd wan study P.O.A?!? bloody useless shit stuff. oohh.. unless u count zhi wei in lorx..tt mad woman. seriously lah, everyone noes! those subs r jux ... plain useless??? & SO NOT FUN. (unless u count cookin & usin a gas stove u dun noe how ta operate / drillin workpieces in a heavily-polluted area as fun) yea. i've hardly eva TOUCHED e gas stove at home, so dun even mention abt OPERATIN it. +.+ anyway, STUDY F&N 4 WAD?! U TRAININ 2 B A HOUSEWIFE?!

& Y Y Y Y Y?!?!?!?! all bcaz of dear MATHEMATICS...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yea. i admit. my maths ain gd. but so wad?! u're tellin mi i'm a total FAILURE jux bcaz my maths aint gd?!?! hate tis whole education system stuff. WAD HAPPENED 2 E.M.S, HUH?! i bet dey only count maths in. 100% maths. TOK ABT E.M.S...! honestly, i dun haf a prob wit e skool. but i keep tinkin tt dey're OWAYS LYIN 2 us abt anythin & EVERYTHIN. check out e mr j` thing on friendster.. sth abt he had a stroke???`bet dey made tt up jux 2 get us 2 buy those cals. ha.ha.ha. or if it's real, dey USED him as an excuse wadsoeva. +.- tt's jux soOo .. despicable, u noe wad i mean??? if it's real, i honestly hope he gets well soon.. =3

anyway, back 2 e topic. hrmm. jux hated maths eva since i was young.. eg.quest: "how long wld john take 2 travel frm his house 2 his skool if his speed was kept constant?" my ans: how wld i noe?? wad's JOHN gotta do wit me?! `tink i care how long he took?!?! he can jolly well go take a cab or fly dere, wAdsOevA; i DUN CARE. D`OH! OH, jux look how DUMB MATHS QUESTS R...?!?!? =.= "HOW CAN U CONDEMN US THROUGH MATHS?!?!?!"

& yea, i noe tt e O`level's a whole new diff storie..caz dey c ur eng + 6 best subs??? is tt it? sth liddat lah. but how am i gonna score when i'm not even INTERESTED in those subs & i cant even SCORE an A?!?!? how's TT gonna help mi in my O`s?!?!? =.=

wadeva nia.. tok 2 my mother abt tis, she oso dun understand.. so crappy lahh. sorrie if it seems as though i'm complainin / naggin. here's e only place i can reallie nag till daybreak.. lol. it's oready, daybreak. wadeva lah. i'm gonna appeal 4 combi c sia. not tt i dun wanna b in e same class wit zw, zh + hui sian.. but, dowan D lahh...walan.. WAD WRONG DID I DO?!?!? nv study hard enuf... yea. total crap. those pple maths gd wan, GD 4 u! but 4 stupid + slow in maths, lyk mi...IS A TOTAL FAILURE. i dunno, but it jux seems tt dey're tellin mi tt lor.. nvm, gotta buck up sia! i'm still hopin 4 a miracle.. cant dey jux open all e same classes, wit all same SUBS?! jux soooooooooooo ... FRUSTRATED!!!!! darn it. tis education system is sO not gonna work. i mean, lyk SO many pple r pissed lahh.. jux regret goin 2 our skool...nice recommendation, tuition teacher! =.= our skool's too GD 4 mi liao. yea...GD... +.- shlda gone 2 a more lan skool den most prob can make it 2 triple sci..ha.ha.ha. or u noe wad? a more lan COUNTRY. caz sg's OWAYS demandin 4 IMPROVEMENTS & look wad dey did 2 us! +.- "OUR GENERATION'S SUFFERING!!!!" OMG!? -.-

tink i complain WAY 2 much liao. seriously, i shld go join ELDDS, shldnt i??? shld jux go haf a debate wit e teachers.. i cant jux let it down lyk tis! hrmm.. mayb i'm fortunate oready??? got other pple in worse plight then mi sia.. "WE DUN DESERVE TIS!!!!" -.-

realised i haven been as carefree i'd tot i'd b. i mean, tis is e HOLIDAYS rite??? wad a bummer, i dun even wanna go 2 chalet liao.. noe wad?? i'm jux gonna lock myself in my bedroom till dey open up classes offerin all same subs. ya, RITE. is dere a beach nearby e chalet??? i'm gonna SCRREAMM my lungs out...! darn it. hopefully e class'll cheer mi up or sth.. i tink i'm e only 1 hu's takin tis whole get-in2-combi D thing so hard. oh, cum on pple! tis aint wad we've been studyin 4! 10yrs.. 10 LONG YRS of study, & it all comes down 2 tis. gotta say, tis's one of my LOWEST points in my life sia.

2004-11-01T20:19:00.000+08:00

wAlaU ehH.. tiS is e 3Rd tiMe bloggin 2dae.. manz.. those previous entries all got prob sia.. kana erased lahh.. darn it! so now reallie reallie lazy 2 write liao.

anyway, added sum pics of our class 2 blog!!!! okae, it's jux 2 only.. wad 2 do rite??? tt rebecca dowan send mi others.. dunno y lehh...??? ha.ha.ha. got sum pPLe inside bahh.. >.< we all noe hu, dun we??? lolxx. oready enlarge till super BiG liao, still e sentosa one sOo blur lahh.. sorrie!! =p dun 4get check out under "my picx"!!! =)

yiks! tml gettin back results! X( pray 4 B/C.. no D & E!!! BbbBbBbBbbbBbbBbBB!!!! CccCcCcccCCCccCcccCCcccCccCcCc!!!! lolxx. wish we all go wadeva class we wan!!! GD LUCK, PPLE!!!!! =p *cross fingers* *cross toes*

catcha tml! =)

2004-10-29T20:54:00.000+08:00

YEHEY!!!! WOoOohHhHH!!!! listenin 2 Bling Bling (II)!!!!! borrowed frm brain.. hahah! wow. beyonce's crazy in love is reallie rockin!!!! superstar oso DAMN NICE! & bounce by sarah conner!!!!! heheh.. but mi fav song's still scandalous.. O MAN! LURVE tt song!!!!!!!!! {WaAHhhHHhh} super nice man! but e rest mostly remix lahh.. dun lyk. hahah. r&b + hip hop oso.. okae lor.. still prefer rock + pop! =)

yea.. jux got my com repaired. 4 e 3rd time in tis yr????! tt's soO crappy. must haf spent ALOT of $$$ on e repairin.. dumb arse. btw, am i even allowed 2 say "dumb arse" here??? i mean, e skool jux caught a few studs writin sum stuff on blogger & dey .. PUNISHED em???! i mean, tt's ridiculous lor.. unless of caz, dey insult e skool or sth lahh.. but hu wouldnt, rite??? n man.. hu's e one hu found out abt e blog??? wad a coincidence sia.. out of lyk, at least 14 000 blogs in singapore.. muz find theirs.. swuay. hahah. i mean, a journal's supposed 2 b private rite??? so .. dey shouldnt go round pokin their buSiness in other pple's buSiness. D`oh?? wth am i tokin abt.. o wadeva. lata go change my profile lahh.. so crappy lor.. name oso cannot write, in case dey find out hU i Am... DOUBLE D`OH! =.=

fri 2dae.. tml sat ler hor.. tt dumb ass marcus gonna go china??? hahah.. dunno wad table tennis thingy lahh.. say wad $1000+?? skool subsidize abit lor.. not gonna miss him. ha.ha. no lah, not so bad... but go 4 1 whole mth lei.. tt's kinda sad. i wouldnt wanna leave though. 1 month ehh!! how can u stand not bein wit mummy??!? lolzz.. anyway, china oso nth much 2 travel lahh.. dunno can do wad dere.. buy vcds at a killer cheap price??? ha.ha. summore no fone dere.. too bad. tt guy cant call up 2 aloe ____ hahahhaha... oh yar, did i mention?? ____??? lolz. sec 1 girl lah.. oops. did i jux say sec 1?! lolzz. better stop here. or else i'm gonna spill everythin out lo.. =PpP o well.. he doesnt noe my blog rite?? gd. if not, i'm gonna b slaughtered...

ho.. last dy of skool.. dunno y, din feel as sad as wed??? aft e choral's nite thingy.. lolzz.. everyone was kinda pathetic den...cry cry cry.. sad sia. sumhow, i tink i gonna cry on 2nd mayb??? but got P.T.C, so wont b able 2 meet e rest of e class lahh.. so, i wont cry???! gd gd. dun wanna get all emotional....sure gonna miss my classmates!!! =( den again .. still got 4th nov. =( tt, i SURE cry. aft e chalet, i mean. still dunno whether i wan stayover not.. haven ask ma yet. most prob can bah.. but depends on mi lor.. hahah. c mood 1st. lolzz.

yea.. n jux got news tt my pri skool frene in bendemeer's goin 2 1st class?!?! yea..JACYLN!!!! walau.. no fair lehh... =( hahah.. happie 4 her lah.. but still .. i cant deny tt I'M JEALOUS!!!!! lolzz.. actually oso not sure whether wan take triple sci or wad lor.. still kinda bumped tt our skool cant open an art class??? which is, SO dumb & ridiculous???! wadeva. fine den. pray pray can get in combi B??? hate D + E. e subs dere suck lyk hell.

lol.. farnie how i saw sth.. jux when i'm typin tis, tt wei meng cum online in msn.. hahah.. not abt him tt i'm surprised lah. his nick : dun ask 4 too much, or u'll end up wit nth. yea.. i guess he's rite??? but izzit wrong 2 ask 4 sth tt everyone wans so badly??? lolzz. dunno wazz my aim in life anyway. yea, sure i noe how important studies is. but i mean, dere're SO many uni graduates out dere wit their masters / degrees.. hu u tryin 2 kid lor...?? but sure hope i get in2 a jc?? caz only 2yrs??? & poly takes 3 b4 u graduate??? ya lah, i'm lazy 2 study another yr.. fine. but oso caz of e $$$ prob lahh.. dun tink we'll b able 2 get TT far. gotta go 2 work soon.. in another .. say, 4yrs???! STRESS!!! lolzz. actually, i'm kinda frightened by tt idea lah. dunno how e society'll b lyk when i cum out.. *o* wow. tis is sum serious topic, huh? lolzz..

nth much 2 write abt ler lahh.. go watch e champion! TORO's sOo cUte! =)

2004-10-20T18:53:00.000+08:00

haiyar.. e days're gettin worse each time. yesterday results.. 2dae history..... sux!!! i tink everyone's VERY upset wit ms sharmila. & hueva set tt stupid rule. i mean, dey gif u an egg if u dun answer e source-based quest, statin which source u're tokin abt. e.g. source A; source B blah blah blah.. WAD CRAP IZ TT?!?! it's JUX 2 words, 4 goodness sake~! summore sum of em r direct quests lor! hu so stupid, ask u answer source A, u go tok abt source B?! it's obvious we're tokin abt A wat!!!? dammit. now all my hopes gone lah! =( soOoOo ...... FRUSTRATING!!!!! god damn. nia lah. e whole level is damn pissed off lahh. mayb dere'll b a petition??? lol. i dunno. dun feel lyk caring anymore. jux tink tis yr slack alot ALOT aLot. haf a feelin i'm goin 2 3integrity nxt yr. tt's soO crap. now ms lim's gonna despise us even more. bullshit.

anyway, came back frm sjab jux now.. discussed abt sat's open house. i'm in e stretcher team!!! not tt i'm happie abt.. but still .. i actually wanted 2 lyk, "la(1) ke(4)" on tt day der lei!!! den eve go put mi in stretcher team.... =( sad lahh.. but i dun mind lahh.. =) nvm lor. if fairus cannot take it, den i subsitute in 4 her lah.. yarh. so we're supposed 2 demo how 2 carry a casualty wit e stretcher??? yea, real person on top. agnes + jenesta take turns lor.. lol. pity em. i mean, when we gotta lift em up 2 e stretcher lahh...hands all over ur head, legs + ur body??? & mi is carry e body part lor.. pr33ty pai sey lah. if it's mi, i sure laugh till siao lehh.. so ticklish??? =P but e open house abit toO early tis yr hor...??? e p6s haven even get their results yet lehh.. cum c our skool 4 wad??? oh yea, i 4got. dey're gettin their results 1st b4 decidin which skool 2 go. meaning, dey wont pick e "impossible" skool 2 get in unless dey reallie stupid lahh. haiyo.. but i still tink it's early. tis yr's wan very late lehh.. i rmb is ard feb. den last yr was ard jan??? dunno lahh...

wellz. borrowed e exorcist(II) frm simin.. watch e 1st disk liao. not reallie scary lahh.. read frm`net liao, 1st + 3rd episodes e most scary ones... 2nd not reallie. i doubt can c anythin more scary than a ghastly face of a devil??? sO NOT fun. heheh.. i LURVE HORROR movies!!! except those than include ghosts lahh.. i tink dey're things tt no one reallie understand or haf knowledge abt...& tt's wad make em scary - no one reallie noes em.

haiyoh.. another wk 2 go..... dun wanna go skool lahh.... everyday oso do e same old things.... go hall listen dunno wad - tok - watch vcd - tok - watch vcd - julia gabriels` - tok - watch vcd. very the sian lehh. suddenly feel tOo relaxed liao lor. actually i oso dunno wad i wan do lah. hahah. i mean, yea, i dun wanna waste time liddat...but i oso dun wanna study. so ... hahah. gonna go cut my hair on fri lah. dun care liao. i'm quitee sure i wont regret... cant wait! gotta go check out rykiel's hats & ties as well... & of caz, SHOPPING durin e wkends!!!! heheh.. try 2 stick 2 my budget lah.. =)

very tired everyday. dunno y. simply nth 2 do, i guess.. eat - slp - watch tv - play com - eat - slp. haiyor.. but 2nite got 'THE CHAMPION'!!!!! YAY!!!! =)=)=)=) finallie.. certain tt alot ALOT of pple gonna watch.. toro.. yan xing shu.. xiao qiao.. fiona.. jeanette.. WhOoOhhH! all e shuai ge(s) + mei nu(s)! hahah.. lata got charmed at 8.30pm.. {aAhhHhhHh!!!!} CLASH!!!! OMG! crappy. okae, i'll figure sth out lata. go surf net 4 a while & i'm off. btw, tml goin 2 e recycle plant thingy.... LAME! haiyor. 2 places summore. dunno how we gonna make it back by 12pm+???? lame tao yao si... hahah~ kae kaex. signin off lo... =)

p.s: ask jill if tml wear class-tee or wad

2004-10-19T18:33:00.000+08:00

dang. got back our results 4 e E.O.Y exams.. like shit sia! haiyor.. maths failed lahh.. told my ma... as usual lah, not much response.. i bet even if i told her i got 99, she oso no response wan lahh.. fine. hahah~ e rest quite okae-okae lor.. mostly is B4???! =X kana sai lahh.. surprised by my eng though. din reallie expect 4 such a grade. =) gd gd! lolzz. but i guess my best subs r chi, eng + lit lo. my sci & maths totally sucks. bLeEaHhH~!!!!!!!!! hopefully art'll pull mi up??? BETTA ARH!!! X( dun understand y muz stream lor.. still got dunno wad kindda conditions wann.. so stupid lar. till now i oso reallie dunno wad subs i wanna take. lyk i dunno which subs i lyk lehh... art mayb??? budden ms ng not teachin nxt yr lehh.. sad! lit??? feel abit stressed by lit.. sure not gonna take triple sci. double sci mayb??? aiyor.. not even interested in sci larh.. =P

so dumb. how can dey jux grade our intelligence by sum scores on stupid pieces of paper???! i mean, e human brain is definitely more capable than THAT, rite???! iz tt reallie all dere is 2 education...? grades. grades. nth but grades. e government 2 harsh on us liao lahh!!! plz dun sTrEsS us oUt!!! stupid old-fashioned + outdated old hags hu sit in their office, drinkin coffee + shakin their legs. lol. y do i keep critisizin e government these days?????

dumb assholes. y cant dey jux stop & look at other countries???! while other pple r chillin out durin their summer holidays, we're here sloggin lyk shit; white hair growin outta our heads when we're onli 14. [not tt i haf lah] WAZZ TIS WORLD BCUMIN 2?!?!?!

wadeva. regretted not goin 2 cut my hair.. hur`hur... gonna get it done on fri / durin e wkends lahh.. den gotta check out 4 clothes 4 julia gabriels`... i wan a hat!!!! + a tie! black shoes??? =pPp

kae lah, not much mood 2 write anythin.. [dumb results] tml goin 2 e dunno wad plant thingy!!! den aft tt got SJAB...! =( dunno wad dey wan us do lahh..

p.s: bring tie tml??? i rmb sth abt tie der.. but i 4got wad izzit 4. lolz.

2004-10-17T17:57:00.000+08:00

goOdNeSs!!!! e MOST FREAKIEST thing happened last nite! x( total horror. i'd CLEAN 4gotten abt it when i woke up tis mornin...okae, it wasnt morning; sorta noon time - 12pm+??? slept at 1am+ last nite mahh.. i need at least 10hrs of slp everyday lahh.. lol. ritez. back 2 last nite. aft watchin SUMMER SCENT.... went 2 bed mah.. den i sorta closed e bedroom door w/o lockin it. caz e lock abit spoiled mah, so .. jux 2 b safe lah.(lata get locked frm inside) yarh, den ... aft i got in2 bed, heard alot & i mean, ALOT of crackin noises.. dunno frm where. but was pr33ty certain in my room.. SO ... too chicken 2 check it out??? i seriously dunno where it was cumin frm lahh.. den i tried 2 ignore lor. but was hard, reallie. almost had a pattern; tt crackin sound.. anyway, so. tryin 2 get 2 slp. den i kept starin at e door dere.. ThEn .... ...... e door sorta opened a TINNIE liTtLe bIt, den it ClOsed baCkk.. by itsElf???? & it was jux a LITTLE bit. REALLIE. I SWEAR it was NOT anyone of my fam members. dey wont b THAT secretive or wadeva. seriously!!!!!! FREAKY!!!!! & i was sHaKING reallie haRD under my covers.. i jux STARED at e door lor!!!! OMGoodness! =XxX i din even dared 2 scream or anythin?????! i jux STARED. freaky, cum 2 tink of it.. i SWEAR it opened by itself.. PLZ TELL MI I'M HALLUCINATING????!!!!!! & e crackin sound was still dere. so, "awakened", i quickly stuffed e earphones in2 my ears, playin e summer scent soundtrack cd (had e discman bside my bed)- tryin 2 block e stupid crackin sound. den i tried 2 avOid lookin at e door again... ...[.....fell asleep.....]

wAD thE HelL wAs thAT?! it couldnt have been e wind. u're tellin mi e wind was blowin in TWO directions???! walau. i was totally brain-dead then. asked my ma jux now.. she say she din open e door last nite lehh.. den hu?!?!?! ah mah?!?! she's not THAT creepy lah! *o* HoRrid. plz tell mi i was hallucinatin. wadeva. i'm gonna check it out later 2nite or sth. mayb i'm slpin in e other room. URGH~~!!! TOK ABT GOOSEBUMPS! x( blEaHhh~

ehhh, err.. reallie veli slow lehh, these few days. & e more sLOw things r, dey start 2 stress mi out. get wad i'm sayin?? 2dae uncle cum in e afternoon or so.. den sorta took my ma go "grocery shoppin".. GREAT. everytime he cum muz end up spendin $$$ buyin stupid stuff. i mean, seriously. she took 100bucks den came back wit only wad?? $10?! WAD'S THE WORLD BCUMIN 2?!? i mean, she din reallie buy alot of stuff...only e usual lor..chips all those... WAD KINDA CHIPS COST $90?!?!?! TOTAL crap. she is such a spendthrift. dunno how save de lei... *sigh* practically FORCING mi 2 get a part-time job @ 14... wad kind of parent is tt????! hei`yer! very narrow-minded de lei.. nv tink of our future..! i noe she's gonna die in wad??? 20/30 yrs??? wad abt mi?! 50/60 yrs! wad am i gonna live on?!?! eating my ass????! sorrie if i sound cruel or wadeva. sorrie lahh.. i'm very straightforward 2wards tis kinda stuff, okae. tis is life. so live with it. -so crappy-

mayb i'm fussin over a trivial matter. ??? it's NOT 2 mi! $90 is STILL $$$, okae! wth. honestly, i've calculated oready. e $$$ tt we haf now can lyk last us 4 wad??? 5yrs???? i'll probably b in e last yr of my poly then. wad??? i noe i'm stupid, i wont get in2 a JC. so, 4get it. but JC's betta 4 mi lahh.. 2yrs only.. but tt's only if i can get in2 a college in e future. if not, 4get it. whooaa.. den 5yrs lata, got no savings AT ALL. GREAT. wad with e upgradin now... stupid. e government is soO damn ... stupid??!??! i mean, yarh, dey did a poll or sth on whether we wanna upgrade our houses lyk 2/3yrs ago??? & 75% n above agreed. but i tink dey miscalculated??? deliberately. i mean, e pple livin in this area r lyk, senior citizens??? & i'm SURE dey would prefer 2 keep their $$$ 4 their retirement or sth, rather than 2 waste $$$ on sum stupid upgrading. plz lor! so wad if their houses look nicer?? u xpect em 2 bring their houses wit em when dey die???? seriously, jux tink lah. stupid government!!! idiotic. am i even thinkin too much??? hello?! i'm only 14!!!! GIV MI A BREAK, WILL`YA?!! wad 2 do.. my ma cant even take care of tis fam. so how?? e daughter here has 2 take care of EVERYTHING. urgh~ tis is life. so live with it. -sux-

unfair. wadeva. i'm not gonna give up. NEVER!!! i hope... lucky exams over liao. if not, i'd probably suffer frm depression rite now. & u'll find my pic on e news, reportin tt i've jux jumped off a 12-storey building in toa payoh north... with all my intestines n guts splattered all over e ground floor. okae okae. i'll stop here. gruesome, i noe.. =pPp hur.. gotta TINK POSITIVE!!! & tt "LIFE'S NOT AS COMPLICATED AS IT SEEMS"!!! hate lying 2 myself. jux wanna scream out "LIFE IS AS COMPLICATED AS IT IS"!!!!!!! hate it. hate it. hate it. okae, i admit. i'm a complain queen. but wadeva..??? how can u nOT complain wit such a sickenin life??? rite. muz rmb... dere r others worse off than u... okae. now, THIS is a FACT. *sigh* tis is life. so live with it. -unfairness-

dun wanna complain anymore. dun tink pple would appreciate readin such crap abt life. do i sound lyk a worry-wart??? or 2 serious??? wadeva. tis IS after all, a "journal"... not happie, den dun read lor.. i dun care. btw, do u guys even understand wad i'm stressin here??? *sigh* jux blog caz wanna get my frustrations out lahh...dun xpect anyone 2 read or anythin. i sound long-winded & naggy rite??? i noe. tt's mi! =) anyway, mustnt give up even when e whole world seems 2 b against u!!!! PERSEVERE!!!!! [i used 2 tink tt was crap. now i noe it reallie does make sense.]

p.s: 1. catch Pearl Harbour on channel 5, 7.30pm.
2. pack bag 4 tml's outing 2 hip-hop wadeva.
3. relax & enjoy!
4. relax & enjoy!!
5. relax & enjoy!!!

2004-10-16T22:27:00.000+08:00

yOozZ!!!!! sian.. 2dae. st.john was lyk shit. sec 1s [includin mi] all go clean up sjab room 4 nxt wk's open house lahh.. walau.. sibei sian! den sec 2s go practice their drill or sth. jux tink dey lyk "using" us sec 1s lor.. 2 CLEAN UP E SJAB ROOM?! wad crap was tt.. hahah~ anyway, aft tt gotta play volleyball wit sum gurls lah.. den played chess wit monica(I)! waahh.. still tell mi wad only learn a few days! she ALMOST beat mi 2 it lor! =) actually, oso not i win wan lahh.. is yong jian help mi win der. LoL. wadeva. since he got soO many comments, so let him take over lor.. tt .. idiot. jk lah! =pPp & kavita erRh!!! accidently on e shower tap in e toilet 2 big erRh, spLAsh alL over oUr shorts!!! my gOodnEss! still wan blame mi... hrmmpfh!! =.=* hahah.. den when play volleyball tt time, saw tis "FLASHER" outside e skool compound dere.. doh, those blocks of flats dere lahh.. den he was lyk, wearin his boxers ONLY?!?! + a shirt lahh. monica & i saw 1st. den were lyk, "OMG?!" lolzz.. farnie arhh.. =)

aiyor.. den tt ah bian & e momo wan pon NV TELL MI! walau.. no wonder i was wonderin y she slp at 9pm??? [when i call her lah] okae, FINE THEN. anyway, i tink i'd still haf gone.. hahah~ i'm savin e chances 4 e holi`s.. man, i'm soO gonna tell simon i'm goin 2 bintan 4 3 / so days. HECK. write letter then write lor. unless ... he wan check my passport??? tt's crap. wadeva lahh. SIANZ. but i guess i quite lyk sjab pracs lahh.. caz can b WILD & crazZy as i can..!! den e pple dere oso very FuN!!! xcept 4 a few lah, horz.. haha~ totally diff frm "class settin". ms haq oso liddat say... on friendster lahh.. email her mahh.. so chat chat?? den she say wad "shocked by my language. totally diff frm class settin." hrmm. izzit??? mayb lor. *shrug* got alot of sides of mi de lahh.. hahah. =p

AnywAyz, JERRY ONG's OUT!! YES!!! ABOUT TIME HE GOES! =pPp sucker! BUH-BYE! hope we dun c u again...~! sucker. lolzz.. even go add e "anti-jerryong" on friendster even though he's out. nth do lahh.. summore, i'm totally PISSED wit him & his bloody face. wadeva. gonna post sth up soon bahh.. =)

waNNa go hEerEn shoPp!!!!! aaahhhhaaa.. fell in LURVE wit e bag tt carol had eyes on! man..! soO goNna get tt..!!!!! haha. c 1st lah.. bo $$$ sia.. & i'm still gonna haf2 get LOTS of other stuff as well.. lata i broke lehh..

o wellz.. feel so "slow" these few days.. sian. wish skool closes quick(times infinity)!!!! cant wait 2 stay & home / go out gai`gai everyday!!! hahah.. sian mahh. nxt yr sec 3 lehh.. =X lyk veli fast lei.. haven play finish yet!!! hear frm fwenes: upper sec life is lyk hell. =( DOWAN!!!! hahx.. crappy. anyway, got sum news abt maths yesterday... sucks. sucks totally. *CROSS FINGERS* mon get back results??? whooaaa.. den no mood shop liao lahh.. =( actually wan go heeren 2dae de lei.. den shu hui swuay swuay go hurt her finger..!!!! den no go lorz.. aiyor.......!!!! SAD!

kae kaex. muz catch SUMMER SCENT!!! BUh-bYe! =)

p.s: ask if anyone wan go heeren shop on mon.

2004-10-15T19:37:00.000+08:00

yEhhHlLoOo!!!! back frm dawn's house...!!... soO jeAlous of her lehh!!! her 3-storey terrace house is still as BiG as eva... =( 2dae go dere play wit JACKY[her dog]! at least her dog not THAT hyper-active as rykiel's der.. lol. but he kept sheddin fur all over us!!! =( mi abit sensitive 2 e fur.. but nvm. ^^ den watch e few movies...MEAN GIRLS!!!! man.. i missed tt show! =) supposed 2 stay 4 a little while longer, but i cannot lah, got curfew.. so e bbq started earlier lor.. yapz, BBQ!!! yuMmZz...! missed e "roasted" MARSHMELLOW...! +) but i'm kinda scared of it.. if eat too much, i'll reallie throw up. caz it tastes too much lyk foam.. hur`.. chicken wings... sausages... whoaa... oso dunno wad occasion. hahah~ but dawn's dad say since so many of us r goin over, so might as well haf a "celebration" or sth. wOw. what a cELebrAtiOn. lol.. but her dad pr33ty nice & generous lah.. =)

budden 2dae abit weird.. k.s lyk abit pre-occupied.. okaex, VERY pre-occupied. yarh, & it's not only him. vinc oso quite "out". [dun tell him i said tt] wazz up wit em 2 huh...??? sth happen 2 their class izzit??? farnie de lehs.. dey had lyk, "LEAVE MI ALONE" signs written on their faces..??? & veli seldom c em around e house..oso dunno where dey disappear to.. hahah.. hope dey 2 alright lah.... but other than tt, everyone seemed 2 enjoy e whole "party" thing.. FUN!!! rich lorr.. anythin oso can buy lorr... hrmmpfh! [jealous] hahah~ =pPp

anywayz, sum of e gurls in our class went ice-skatin 2dae??? wonder how it went.. dunno wad 2 do lehh.. i mean, if i go ... ... i'll probably spend 3/4 of e time holdin 2 e railings at e sides. so might as well dun go.. ice-skatin is definitely NOT a sport u can take up in 1 day. lol.. 4 mi lah. =X had alot of trouble wit roller-bladin at 1st oso.. shit! speakin of tt, i tink i kinda turned rusty liao... very, VERY long nv prac ler.. hur`hur.... =( but i guess ice-skatin's harder than roller-bladin bahh.. ~.-?

oohHh yEaa!!!! i put up sum pics on my blog!!!!! okaex, so it's ALOT of pics. but wadeva. hope it doesnt take THAT long 2 load or sth. i tink it looks gd though... =) got lots lah, but mostly is frm e korean tv series tt i reallie lyk.. couldnt find Loving You[mei ren yu]!!!! =( sad lahs.. but i absolutely LURVE e SUMMER SCENT ones!!!! oOhHh...!!!!! so sw33t! =) but sTilL, .. havent settle e TORO border thingy.. & e music. dunno how leh.. my com dun haf "cookies"[wadeva tt is], so cannot put up e music thing.. does anyone noe of other web tt host music??? other than iwebmusic, i mean. drop mi a msg or sth.. tnx lots! =)

btw, i missed SGI last nite!!!!!! {wWaAhHhhh!!!!!} i CANNOT BELIEVE i actually missed it!!!!! how could i?!?!?!?! =( =( =( =( hei`yer..! yesterday's theme was disco rite?? wow. cool "themes".. `bet mia did very well lah.. daphne & sylvester too.. hahah~ =p but i'm NOT gonna miss e results 2dae..!! soOo disappointed when david got kicked out last wk lor..! was lyk, "WHAT THE HELL?!" he was definitely BETTER than tt CHRIST`LEE!!!! hate him. hate him. hate him. -.-* idiot guy. only has looks lah! hrmmpfh.! JERRY ONG's WORSE. crap guy. he shoulda been out in e 1st place. caused jeassea 2 go!!!!! wt.. my blood boils when i tink of tt.. jux tink tt sg dunno how 2 vote lor.. vote 4 those STUPID pple hu CANT sing NOR haf e looks. WAD R U GUYS TINKIN?! *ANGRY* manz.. if mia/syl/olinda/daphne's out, i'm NOT goin 2 watch SGI liao. okae, well, mayb... i dunno.

fine. i'm coolin down.. hoof... rite. supposed 2 go get a "makeover" 2 my hair tis wkend.. but now, i'm not reallie sure i want to lehh.. dun wan regret only AFTER my hair is cut or sth. =X actually, i haf jux abOut e kind of hairstyle i wan lah, but jux not sure if i shld go wit it or not.. shld i? i still wanna tie my hair lah, dun wan cut short.. reallie not sure lehs.. mayb on sun then go lor. iz e shop even open?? guess not. so... nxt wkend??? lol.. i've been pesterin my mum 2 take mi go, den now dun wan.. lol. she's so gonna skin mi.. veli impatient wan leh, she.. o wellz.. i oso wan change my cupboard lo.. as in, e clothes in it lah, NOT e cupboard itself. hahah~ shoppin time!!!! =) c 1st lah..$$$ lyk no enuf... lol... anyway, mon can go c c 1st...?? caz e hip-hop thingy's sumwhere near orchard?? i tink we heard sth abt centrepoint. so ... YAY! hahah! aft e workshop go .. SHOPPING!!!!! lol.. wanna get lOADS of stuff. includin a tie & hat 4 julia gabriels`...! but of caz, muz b i wan use on other occasions as well lah, if not, soO wasteful sia. sneakers + a bag too.. not 4gettin .. CLOTHES!!! hahah..

kae kaex.. tink i write toO long liao.. betta go catch sgi or sth.. btw, i'm soO hoOked up on e SUMMER SCENT SOUNDTRACK!!!!! veli nice lehhs!!! =) sw33t! & i found out a BIG fact: e guy hu sang e 1st track, secret[mi mi] is actually 1 of e actors in e show! he's e guy hu acts as "SHENG CAI"! yarh!!! "Zhen Ya"s bro! His real name's Ryu Jin.. but i not reallie sure lah. caz on e lyrics, dey oso write Ryu...only dun had e "jin" lor. so i'm tinkin shld b e same person lor.. cool sia!`oways been wonderin how their voices sound lyk.. but e gurl hu sings "zhuo you wei nan", i dunno.. rykiel tinks it's jang nara.. but lyk not leh.. her name's "xu zhen ying" or sth liddat lah.. kaez. MUZ go off. ciaoz~! =)

p.s: muz watch SGI 2nite. ;)

2004-10-14T22:09:00.000+08:00

yAy!!! gOt e suMmer sCent soundtrack cd frm rykiel!!!!! =) veli nice lehh!!! feel so relaxed now.. hahah~ correct way 2 describe?? dunno lah. jux sounds reallie peaceful & soothin..... anywayz, now listenin 2 e "xiao ye qu". u noe, e 1 "huiyuan" oways hums... "la-la-laa.. la-la-la-la-laa....." yarhs.. tt. i kinda lyk it even though it sounds pr33ty borin.. reallie peaceful.. ^^ budden, e 'sadness' of e whole song kinda makes my troubles all cum back again.. suddenly, i'm worried abt anythin & everythin.. start 2 tink tis world's nth xcept lies & selfishness. no compassion; only cruelty. *it's a dog-eat-dog world* jux e tot of it makes mi sad...how harsh reality can b... all e unfairness & e dark sides of human... dun believe in compassion within pple.. dun believe in miracles.. dun believe in any god(s).. sad ritez.. all e betrayals...unfairness...lies... as hard as i may try, i tink i can onli c e dark side of life.. most of e time lah. =( jux tink my life's a total mess lor. but i guess it's better than wad happened a few mths ago.. totally broke down durin e holi`s..

yea.. gotta admit i pr33ty pessimistic bahh. ~.
anywayz, back 2 e rEaLity wOrld.. jux a reminder: i do NOT lyk toro jux bcaz i haf tt 'TORO" border at e top dere!! jux couldnt get rid of it. damn. =pPp 2dae went 2 biefoo's house watch Windstruck! yea, AGAIN. but it was reallie nice & NOT borin 2 watch all over again.. & when "ming yu" came back as e wind, mi & debbie reallie cried leh.. & i tink i cried lyk shit lor. lol.. so sad + touching!!! =( yea.. had lunch over at her place as well. her dad cooked fried beehoon 4 us.. VERY BLAND. din put salt!!! walaus.. at least a tinnie little bit mahh.. haiyo, health freak~~! then his home-made tau huay oso veli TASTELESS!! i mean, not sw33t der!!!! but it tastes better than those sellin outside..XCEPT 4 e sugar-free thing lah.. =( den aft e show, i actually got LOST while tryin 2 find my way back frm debbie's house! stupid lahh~!!! her fault lor.. tell mi bus 73 got go TOA PAYOH interchange.. asked her TWICE - & she was certain.. total CRAP. i ended up at ANG MO KIO interchange! >.< *ANGRY* wasnt angry 4 e fact tt she told mi e wrong bus, but e fact tt it wasted my time!!!! i got a CURFEW, if u mind...! lol.. no wonder when i got off e bus at e interchange - everyone on e bus got off XCEPT mi lor.. e only 1 hu stopped at e interchange.. e whole bus empty lahh! kaoz~ abit pai sey lor.. I DIN NOE! i TRUSTED debbie....... -.- den gotta walk 2 mrt station, den frm dere make my way back lor.. *o* sheesh.. o well, gettin lost isnt actually a big prob. i mean, especially in sg. so small, how get lost...??? lol.. =p but yea, i made it in time. 4 my curfew. tt was my day. =.=

anyway, now exams over, skool lyk veli borin lehh.. everydy nth do xcept watch vcd, watch vcd, & watch more vcd. urgh~! VERY BORING. durin maths watched e Kong Pow! veli FarNie arhh, tt show...!!! stupid + lame + idiotic show. but was pr33ty comical lah.. haiyo.. dunno wad do in skool.... whole day not tok then watch vcd.... how borin can skool get??? agree, better than hafin lessons. but cant we haf lyk, more iNteResTin progRams??? =.= dun wanna go.. budden, oso dunno can do wad at home lehh.. HurR.. lynette lyk e whole wk nv cum liao lehz.. izzit reallie okae?? ~.
okae, it's almost 11. rite. it's past 11. gotta go catch a show or sth. dun wanna use e com liao. sianz. nitezz... zzZZzz...

p.s: rmb tt bus no 73 does NOT go 2 TOA PAYOH INTERCHANGE.

2004-10-12T22:39:00.000+08:00

yOyOYo...!!!!!! wow. still kinda freaked out by e movie we watched jux now.. Final Destination(II)!!!!!! i LURVED it!!!!!!!! =) went 2 sarah's house c.. horror film. mainly abt how "death takes pple away" n how "it cannot b avoided".

continued frm Final Destination(I) [e plane crash thingy], e main charactors r e survivors of e plane crash of e last episode.. shows how dey fell in2 "death's trap" as they were meant 2 die in e plane crash but survived it. reallie creepy neii.. caz it was lyk, couldnt b avoided n e more Kimberly[main charactor] tries 2 save em, e more she's leadin em 2 death.. & e scenes r .... oh, tragic. i mean, they died lyk, soO hoRriBLy lor!!! =X there's 1 gurl... she was in e lift with 2 other men. sumhow, her hair got trapped in e hook tt 1 of e men was holding. so after receiving a call frm Kimberly, sayin tt a man is gonna kill her[her premonition], she desperately tries 2 escape frm e man, tinkin tt he's gonna kill her. then in an accident, her head got stuck in b/w e liftdoor & e lift started moving up without releasing her. so ... when e lift gotta go up 2 e 2nd storey, her head was automatic "chopped" while her body remains in e 1st level & e head? in e lift. with e 2 other men. eyes, wild open.

noe it sounds totally gruesome n all, but seriously, it's reallie, very, VERy nice!!!!! i LURVE e plot & everythin! xcept tt i tink it's not scary enuf lei.. hate e lift & e ladder thing. eeww. eeww. eeww. anyways, i tink e tension was lyk, very, VeRy high throughout e whole movie. so tt's y it wasnt tt frightenin i guess.. but it reallie freaked mi.. kept tinkin of how i was gonna die & so cautious of wadeva i'm doin.. JUX in case it "kills" mi or sth. lol. anyway, i've gotta over it ler lah. it's jUx a mOvIE. okae.

but i'm seriously in 2 THE EXORCIST!!!!!!! =p spent lyk 1hr searching 4 its info & stuff???? lol.. crazy lah, i noe. =) found out tt dere were actually ALOT of other versions b4 n aft e `04 show & e orginal one. got part(II) & (III) leh!!! tt was b4 e exorcist, e beginning lah. okae, so u noe.. wadeva.. i dunno mahh.. anyway, heard tt (III)'s reallie very nice. but (II)'s not reallie thrillin.. mayb wanna borrow vcd bahh...? still not sure whether i wanna watch e original one or not leh.. lyk veli scary.. dunno. but i LURVE horror films!!!!! XCEPT those tt feature ghosts in it. i HATE those kind. very . . . {speechless}

mi oso wan watch chucky!!!!! lyk got e movie! =) yeheyhey..! CoOL!!!! jux hope they dun show on tv. if not, gonna waste my $$$ go cinema watch. dunno when.. details later.. man... gonna watch JU-ON tml during maths lesson!!!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!! i DUN WANNA WATCH..........!!!!!!! NO GHOSTS 4 MI!!!!!! =( bloody hell. i'll jux hide in a corner or sth. wadeva. lolz.

2dae in chi, we watched snow angel!!!! looks so nice!!!! got TORO wor. BIG DEAL. hahah~! nahh larh, he's quite cute lah.. but not my type bahh.. i tink i haf sth against eNerGy, includin e EX-Mems of em. tt would mean toro la.. oh well... dunno y bie foo can go so ga-ga over him.. =.= anyway, channel 8 oso got 1 show gonna feature him as well. THe ChaMpiOns!!! Well, ThAT i waNNa watch..!!! hahaha.. cool sia..

okae, gtg slp or watch tv or sth. jux need2 get off e com. kinda tired.. sayonara!!!!
p.s: wish mi luck on maths! *o*

sayonara..

found tis up on monica's journal.. tink it's pr33ty lame. anywayz ... ....

L	Loving
I	Inspirational
H	Healthy
U	Unnatural
I	Ideal

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

2004-10-11T18:19:00.000+08:00

YeEeHhlLoOo....!!!!! man.. finallie managed 2 change most of e pics lah.. but still cant get tt stupid "toro" border outta my way.. nvm. still got sum stuff haven add yets.. slowly lah, hor..? =p

well, exams r OVER!!!!! so high sia! =) i was practically screamin at home yesterday.. hahah~ too happie tt e exams r over.. but tis sure wont lonng... till e day e results r out...... man... =( betta enjoy now!!!!

skool 2dae was okae-okae??? definetely felt it was a LoOnG day.. pr33ty slow. but i guess it's faster than hafin lessons. =) listenin 2 e 'blue' cd tt i borrowed frm hui sian 2dae.. even though i kinda lyk blue, but i gotta admit, i dun reallie lyk tt album.. i mean, i only lyk a few songs lOr.. needa borrow e lastest one!!!!!!! {aHhHhhhh} hahah~! +)

checked out friendster jux now.. amazed by e fame e sg idols got. wOw.!. i mean, jeassea has lyk, 3 accts???? caz dere're simply too many pple hu wants 2 add her??? *.* olinda cho has lyk, 2 as well.. hur~ fine. i'm jealous of em. happie??? lol..

kaex. late 4 my tv lo.. gotta go run.. `tryta add sum music n stuff back on.. =)

2004-10-10T18:48:00.000+08:00

yOyOYo!!!!!! heElLoOoO....................!!!!! wAzz-uP, pple! =p hahaha.. jux got a new blog.. wanted 2 jux change my blog add. den realised actually no need d/l e whole acct 2 change it.. o heck. anywayz. temporary skin 4 now. let mi get tis straight kae: i'm not a fan of toro. i noe he's shuai n everythin, but i'm jux not his fan, okaex...? jux used tis skin caz tot e 'fallin stars' n e whole layout very VERY nice.. heheh.. =) i'll try 2 change e pics lahh.. hopefully.

exams r out n feelin soO high now!!!! kool!! 2+mths no need study lehh!! shuang! =D well, gotta go watch yi tian tu long ji der last episode lo! aft tt got huan zhu gege (III). lots pple say part (III) not nice caz actors all those change.. let's c then..

----peace out!----
p.s: sorry, apologise 4 e signing out part of ------------------->>>>>>>>>